Roswell Fic: Ghosts (37-38/?)
Aug. 12th, 2000 11:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xtremeroswelliaOne-Five | Six-Ten | Eleven-Sixteen | Seventeen-Twenty Two | Twenty Three-Twenty Six | Twenty Seven-Twenty Eight | Twenty Nine-Thirty One | Thirty Two-Thirty Four | Thirty Five-Thirty Six | Thirty Seven-Thirty Eight
Part Thirty Seven
"You know, we should all do something tonight," Maria said as she glanced around the table at her friends at dinner that evening.
"Like what?" Isabel asked, pushing away the remainder of her salad.
"Like watch movies and have a big sleepover."
"Maria, I keep telling you, we're not 12 anymore," Alex joked.
She kicked him lightly under the table.
"I think it sounds fun," Isabel agreed.
"Cassie, what do you think?"
Cassie looked up at Maria and smiled. "It does sound fun," she agreed.
"Do we guys get any say in this?" Michael asked.
"No," Maria and Isabel answered simultaneously.
Liz looked across the table at Kyle, who smiled at her. She smiled back and then looked at Alyssa, who was sitting directly to her left. "Are you interested?"
"I wouldn't mind watching a movie. But after that I need to work on a paper."
"What movies should we rent?"
Michael tuned out the conversation and focused his attention on the strange feeling he'd been having since they'd arrived at Ding a half-hour before then. He casually glanced around the room.
Sure enough, they were being stared at.
By Alan Freedman.
Michael's eyes narrowed.
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Liz yawned and her eyelids started to droop as she stared at Isabel and Maria's t.v. screen.
"Jack, I want you to draw me like one of your French girls. Wearing this."
"Okay."
"Wearing only this."
Her eyes drifted shut despite the fact that they were watching one of her all time favorite movies. Alyssa had left after they all watched Twister. Maria had dozed off next to Liz a half-hour ago and Michael had fallen asleep during the opening credits.
For a few minutes she stayed conscious enough to hear the dialogue.
Then she drifted farther into the recesses of her own mind...
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Liz found herself standing at the park in Roswell. The sun was warm but the breeze made the day cooler. She looked around in confusion, wondering how she'd suddenly arrived in the park.
She spotted three children playing in the sandbox a few feet away. Two little girls and a little boy. One of the little girls had long dark hair and the other had short, curly blond hair. The little boy sat on one side of the dark-haired girl and the blond girl sat on her other side.
"I'm going to make the best castle ever!" the blond girl said excitedly as she sculpted the sand with a bucket and small plastic shovel.
Liz's eyes were glued to the dark haired girl who was quietly and studiously making designs with a thin twig on the walls of the castle she'd built. As if the girl somehow sensed Liz was watching her, she looked up and stared back.
Drawn to her inexplicably, Liz walked forward as the girl continued to stare at her. "That's a very cool castle," she said gently as she knelt down on the ground by the sandbox.
The little girl nodded. "Thank you."
Liz's gaze flickered to the other girl and then the boy and then back to the dark-haired girl again.
"He's coming."
"Who is?" Liz asked in confusion.
"The monster. He's coming for me."
Liz's heart clenched in fear. Her eyes darted around the park. "There are no monsters here."
"Yes, there are. He always finds me. I'm never safe. Never."
Liz jumped back as a huge shoe suddenly slammed into the castle walls the little girl had built, kicking sand everywhere and completely leveling it.
"I told you he always finds me."
She looked up and instantly backed away as Uncle Charlie glared down at her. She felt panic course through her veins as he turned to face the girl. Liz looked to the girl's friends. They continued to build their own castles, not even looking up.
"They can't help me. They can't see him," the little dark-haired girl said sadly.
Uncle Charlie reached down towards the girl.
"No!" Liz cried, her eyes widening in horror.
He turned towards her and smirked. "You can't stop me." He shoved her down on the ground and then picked up the little girl. "You'll never be able to stop me."
Liz watched helplessly through her tears as he picked the girl up and carried her away. "No," she whispered.
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Liz sat up and looked around the darkened room. Maria was next to her still asleep and the room was completely silent other than the occasional snore from Michael.
She swung her legs over the edge of Maria's bed and stood up. She made her way towards the door, carefully stepping over Max and Alex and walking around Michael and Kyle, who were all sleeping on the floor.
She reached for the door lock and quietly turned it, then reached for the handle.
"Liz?" Liz turned to see Kyle sitting up on his sleeping bag. He stood up and walked over to her. "Everything okay?"
She nodded. "I'm in the mood for hot chocolate." She could make out the trace of a smile on his lips.
"Mind some company?"
"That'd be nice." She pulled the door open and slipped outside. Kyle followed her, shutting the door behind them quietly.
After a short stop at her room to grab the canister of hot chocolate mix and a couple of mugs, they left West Lowers and went out into the lobby.
Kyle watched as Liz spooned the mixture into the mugs and stirred water into them. Then she slid them into microwave and set the timer.
"I'm sorry for waking you up. I was trying to be quiet."
"Actually, I wasn't asleep."
She frowned. "You weren't?"
"No. I was thinking."
"About--?"
"Why people believed the moon was made of cheese."
She stared at him for a moment and couldn't supress that laughter that escaped her lips.
"Really. It looks nothing like cheese," Kyle said seriously.
The microwave timer sounded and Liz shook her head and removed the mugs. She handed one to him and they sat down at the round table in the lobby.
Kyle glanced at her. "This is a nice campus. A lot smaller than U.N.M. Do you like it here?"
Liz sipped her cocoa. "Yeah, mostly. What about you? How's school going?"
He shrugged. "It's good."
"What's your major?"
"Psychology."
She looked at him in surprise. "Really?"
Kyle nodded. "Yeah, weird, huh?"
"No, it's just...that's my major, too."
"Yeah, Maria mentioned that once. I always thought you'd go into biology," he remarked.
Liz looked down at the table. "Yeah, I think everyone thought that."
"Well, as long ast you're doing what you want. That's the important thing."
She met his gaze and smiled, feeling a bit sad. "Yeah."
Kyle noticed the hint of wistfullness in her eyes. "What?"
"Nothing."
"Come on, Liz. I know better than that."
"I just...wish that we could see each other more often. That's all."
His eyes softened. "Well, Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks are just around the corner."
Liz looked away quickly. "Yeah."
"And I'm pretty sure that Cassie's going to want to come back and play in the snow sometime, seeing's how it never snows in Roswell."
"You really like her, don't you?" she asked softly.
"I love her."
"I'm really glad that you've found someone, Kyle. Cassie's great. I'm happy for you."
"Thanks. That means a lot to me," Kyle said sincerely.
Their eyes met and they both smiled and sipped their hot chocolate.
"So...what's going on with you and Max?" he asked quietly.
Liz took a deep breath and stared at the table. "I just...can't be with anyone right now, Kyle. It's not that I don't love him. I do. But now...I just need some time, you know?" She bit her lip and glanced at him, relieved when she didn't see any hint of disapproval on his face.
"You need to take care of yourself right now."
"I feel like I'm being selfish."
Kyle shook his head. "You're not. You need to figure things out without having to worry about everyone else. It's understandable."
She gazed at him. "Thank you for coming up here this weekend."
"You're welcome." Kyle met her gaze and set his mug down on the table. He held his arms open and she scooted around the circular booth and hugged him. "We're going to keep in touch this time, right?"
Liz nodded against his shoulder. "Definitely."
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Alex sat on the edge of Liz's bed, watching as she cleaned up her room. Kyle and Cassie had left earlier that day and Max and Michael were both currently working. Isabel and Maria both had papers to write and homework to do, so he had decided to stay with Liz.
"So...how are you doing?" he asked carefully, talking a bit louder than usual since Tonya was blaring music from next door.
Liz didn't say anything for a moment, just continued re-arranging the clothes in her wardrobe. "I'm okay," she said finally.
He had doubts, but honestly, she did seem better than she had recently. Whatever Kyle had said to her the previous day must have really gotten to her.
She turned to look at him. "You must be really bored."
He raised an eyebrow.
"Alex, I know you and Max and Michael think you have to protect us girls 24 hours a day. But it's broad daylight and Maria and Isabel are right next door. It's going to take me the rest of the afternoon to clean my room. You don't have to stay here and play bodyguard. I'll be okay," Liz assured him, not unkindly.
"I actually don't have anything to do. So I'd rather stay and hang out with you if that's okay. But I can go if you want me to."
She picked up a blue sweater off the floor of her wardrobe and started to put it on the hanger. "I just don't want you to feel like you have to--"
Alex looked up and saw she had frozen. "Liz?" he asked with a frown.
"Hey little girl is your daddy home
Did he go away and leave you all alone
I got a bad desire
I'm on fire..."
From where he was sitting, he could see her begin to tremble. He rose to his feet and moved quickly across the room. "Liz?"
She wouldn't--or couldn't--answer him. Her eyes were wide with fear, her face drained of all color. She just stood, seemingly rooted the ground, her breath coming in ragged, shaky puffs.
It took him a minute to realize what was happening. Then he suddenly recalled reading something about how victims of sexual abuse and rape often experienced panic attacks if something in their physical enviroment unexpectedly triggered a memory of the abuse they'd endured.
Alex gazed into her eyes, not touching her, afraid to initiate any physical contact without permission, afraid it would only upset her more. In a steady but gentle voice, he began to talk to her. "Liz, you're safe. You're in your dorm room at Blueridge University. No one's going to hurt you, I promise." He didn't see it having any effect, so he kept talking, forcing himself to stay calm and in control of the situation. "Liz, whatever you're remembering isn't happening now. You're safe, Liz. I'm right here with you, okay?"
Her face crumpled. "Alex?"
"I'm right here," he assured her.
She reached out for him, but started to slide to the floor, her knees giving out.
Alex quickly put an arm around her waist to slow her descent, and he let himself drop to the floor in front of her.
"What's happening to me?" she choked out.
He wrapped his arms around her, cradling her against him. "I think you're having a panic attack," he told her, stroking her hair gently.
"I feel like I'm suffocating," she gasped.
"Just take a deep breath, okay? Breathe with me." He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Liz did the same. "That's good. Again." He helped her to focus on breathing which seemed to calm her down a bit.
When she regained control of her breathing, the panic attack seemed to subside, giving way to tears. "It's never going to stop," she whispered.
"What isn't?"
"The fear. It's never going to go away. I thought if I got away it would, but it never will. It's never going to stop."
Alex closed his eyes and just held her. "We can get you help, Liz," he said quietly.
"No one can help me," Liz said, her voice barely audible. She pulled away from him and wiped her eyes. Then she stood up. "I need some time alone."
He was startled by her switch of demeanor. "Liz--"
"Please, Alex."
He sighed and stood up as well. "I know you don't want to talk about what's happening. But I'll be in my room if you change your mind."
They stared at each other for a long moment. Then Alex turned and left.
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Alyssa unzipped her winter coat as she headed out of the lobby and towards West Lowers. She stretched her arms above her head and yawned. She'd had to type her paper in the school's computer lab because her computer had frozen up the previous night and still hadn't unfrozen yet.
She pulled open the door to West Lowers and was startled to find Liz sitting on the floor outside her room. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around them, head tucked down.
"Liz?"
The other girl looked up, her eyes full of tears. "Everything's falling apart and it's all my fault."
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Alyssa draped a blanket around Liz's shoulders and sat down across from her in her desk chair. "What happened?" she asked gently.
"Alex was with me in my room. I was just hanging up clothes. And Tonya was blaring her radio next door. This song came on the radio and...I just...freaked out. I mean, I couldn't even breathe."
"The song triggered a memory," Alyssa said quietly.
Liz nodded, her face crumpling. "I've lost control of my life." She buried her face in her hands. "Alex probably thinks I'm psycho. I practically had a breakdown right in front of him."
"I really doubt Alex thinks that at all." Alyssa paused for a moment. "Actually, I think it would be a good idea if you talked to him about this."
"What? No, I can't. I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because I just can't!"
"Liz, when we first started becoming friends, you told me that you and Alex had been best friends since the fifth grade. That you could talk to him, tell him anything. What's changed between now and then? Do you not trust Alex?"
"It's not that."
"Do you think he'll not want you as a friend anymore?"
She stared at Alyssa.
"Because I'm going to tell you right now, that wouldn't happen. You're not giving him enough credit."
Liz looked away, brushing tears off her cheeks with the back of her hand.
"Liz, you have to talk to someone about this. Someone who knows you, really knows you. By not talking to and trusting the people that love you, you're giving your uncle all this power over you. He's got you silenced now the same way he did when you were a little girl. Don't let him have control, Liz. You can fight back now."
Tears dripped soundlessly down her cheeks and splashed onto her purple sweatshirt.
Alyssa knelt down in front of her and took Liz's hands in her own. "You have the most powerful weapons of all: the truth and your voice." She stared at Liz for a long moment.
Then Liz slowly climbed to her feet. "Thank you," she whispered, dropping the blanket onto Alyssa's bed and walking out the door.
Alyssa closed her eyes. "May the gods be with you."
* * *
Part Thirty-Eight
Liz stood outside Jewell Hall room #326 in East Lowers. The corridor was silent, but better-lit than West Lowers. She stared at the wooden door, unable to lift her hand to knock.
She closed her eyes to will away the tears that were forming again.
Could she really do this?
The very thought overwhelmed her with fear.
She suddenly heard Alyssa's voice in her mind. <"He's got you silenced now the same way he did when you were a little girl. Don't let him have control, Liz. You can fight back now.">
With resolve, Liz opened her eyes and took a deep breath. Then she knocked on the door.
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"Few survivors feel they have control over their memories. Most feel the memories have control over them, that they do not choose the time and place a new memory will emerge. You may be able to fight them off for a time, but the price--headaches, nightmares, exhaustion--is not worth staving off the inevitable. Not everyone will know a memory is starting, but many survivors do get warnings, a certain feeling or a series of feelings that clue them in. Your stomach may get tight. You may sleep poorly, have frightening dreams...."
Alex was so engrossed in what he was reading, he jumped when someone knocked on his door. "Who is it?" he yelled without looking up.
There was a moment of silence. "It's me. Liz."
He jerked his head up and closed the book. He quickly stuffed it underneath his pillow, stood up and crossed the room. He opened the door. "Hey."
"Hey," she said back. She shifted her weight from foot to foot, uncomfortably. "Are you busy?'
"No, not at all. Come on in." Alex stepped aside and closed the door behind her.
"I'm sorry about before."
"Don't be," he said immediately.
"Can I talk to you?"
"Of course. Do you want to sit down?"
Liz nodded. "Yeah, thanks," she said, almost shyly.
They sat down on his bed and glanced at each other.
"Alex, I'm really...afraid to talk about this," she confessed, staring down at his navy blue bedspread.
"I know you are," Alex said quietly. He reached out and took her hand. "But nothing you tell me is going to change the fact that you're my best friend. You don't have to deal with this alone."
She looked up and met his eyes, touched by his sincerity. "Thank you." Liz took a deep breath, determined to say what she needed to say before she lost the nerve to do so. "That song that Tonya was playing...when I heard it...I remembered that it was playing on the radio the first time that...that he raped me. I was six."
"Oh, Liz." Alex felt sick to his stomach.
"I've been having nightmares. Almost every night. I can't make them stop. He's always there. He never leaves me alone. I feel like I'm going crazy." She put her head in her hands.
He scooted closer and put his arm around her. "You are *not* going crazy."
"Alex, my parents are getting divorced."
"What?"
"That's why my mom was here. To tell me that it was my fault for what I said at Charlie's funeral." She rushed on before he could say anything. "And that if what I said happened actually happened, that I must have done something to encourage it."
A burst of anger flooded through him. "Encourage it? How the hell could you possibly have encouraged it? You were only six, for Christ's sake!"
"Maybe I said something or did something..." her voice trailed off.
"Liz, your uncle was a sick bastard who used you to get what he wanted. He was an adult. All of the blame--and I mean every single part of it--is on him alone. You are completely innocent."
When she didn't respond, Alex stood up, walked over to his book shelf and yanked down his photo album. He moved back to the bed and sat down next to her, opening the book up. He flipped through the pages until he found the picture he was looking for. Then he put the album on Liz's lap. "Look at that picture."
Liz gazed down at the photo he pointed at. It was her fourth grade class picture. She had on a long-sleeved white dress. She was smiling at the camera, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Do you honestly think that beautiful, innocent little girl could have done anything to make her uncle do what he did to her? Because I know she didn't."
She blinked back tears as she continued to stare at the picture.
"It's not your fault, Liz. You were just a kid," Alex said gently.
She swallowed hard. "I can't believe you kept this picture."
"I was the new kid in school. You were the only person in our class that gave me a picture."
They sat in silence for a few moments. Then Liz turned the page. She stifled a giggle at a photo of her, Alex and Maria taken by Maria's mom. It was around Halloween time and the three of them were scooping goo out of the pumpkins that Amy DeLuca was going to carve. Maria was threatening Alex with a handful of the goo, and Liz was making a face at the feel of the slimy substance.
"We were such a mess by the time we were through."
"It's no wonder Ms. DeLuca never invited us over to carve pumpkins again," Alex agreed, glancing at the photo.
The next picture was of the three of them in their Halloween costumes. Alex was dressed as a pirate, Maria as a fairy princess and Liz as Little Red Riding Hood. Alex was standing in between the two girls, his arms draped around them both and a big grin on his face.
Liz turned the page again and smiled slightly at the next photo. It was of the three of them on the swingset at Roswell Elementary. Her younger self occupied the middle swing, Alex was sitting to her left and Maria to her right. She was holding both of their hands.
"I have a lot of memories of that swingset," Alex said with a smile.
"Yeah, me too," she echoed. "I never would have survived without you and Maria," she added quietly.
He reached out and took her hand.
Liz turned to look at him with tear-filled eyes. "You guys kept me alive. I don't know what would have happened to me if we hadn't been friends."
Alex's own eyes watered. "Liz, I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did."
She nodded and her tears spilled over. "I know."
He pulled her into his arms and they held each other as they cried. After the tears dissipated, they just sat together in a comfortable silence, Liz's head resting on his shoulder, his chin resting on the top of her head.
Awhile later, Alex spoke again. "I don't know about you, but I could use something to drink. Do you want a soda or something?"
"Yeah, a soda would be nice."
He stood up and walked across the room to his mini-fridge.
Liz caught sight of something out of the corner of her eye. A book was peeking out from under Alex's pillow.
"Okay, we've got Pepsi, Cherry Pepsi, Sprite and 7UP."
"Cherry Pepsi," she answered. Her curiousity got the best of her and she pulled the book out from under his pillow and read the title. The Courage to Heal: A Guide For Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. She looked at Alex, who was still faced away from her, then quickly tucked the book back underneath the pillow, feeling incredibly touched that he cared so much about her.
"One Cherry Pepsi," Alex said, handing her the can. He sat down next to her.
"Thanks." She opened it and took a sip. Even though she felt a lot better than she had before, there was something else weighing heavily on her mind. "Alex?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanksgiving break is in a week and a half. I won't be going back to Roswell with you guys," Liz said quietly.
Alex stared at her. "Well, you're not staying here alone on the holidays."
"Alex--"
"It's not gonna happen, Liz. If you're staying, I'm staying, and I bet the others feel the same way."
"You have a family, Alex," she said softly.
Alex looked at her. "So do you," he replied seriously. "And we're going to figure something out, okay? I promise."
Liz met his eyes. She didn't know why she felt totally assured by that statement, but she believed him. She nodded slowly. "Okay."
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"So how are you doing?" Alyssa asked as she managed to pull Liz aside from the rest of her friends as they all walked together toward Ding that evening.
"Better," Liz said with a small smile.
Alyssa looked at her and then at Alex, who had turned to check and see if Liz was still with them. "You talked to him?" she asked quietly.
Liz nodded slightly. "Yeah. Thanks for the advice."
"No problem."
They arrived at the dining hall moments later, pausing to read a sign taped to the door.
Maria read it aloud. "'Notice: Starting this week, students must bring their school I.D.'s to every meal or admittance will be denied.'" She frowned. "Is this for real? We've never had to bring our I.D.'s to Ding before."
"Maybe they're having trouble with people showing up to eat that aren't students here," Max suggested.
Alex made a face. "Who the hell would want to eat here if they didn't have to?"
"Good point," Isabel remarked.
"I don't know, but can we go inside? It's freezing," Liz commented through chattering teeth. She pulled her jacket closer around her.
"Oh, yeah." Maria pulled open the door and stepped inside, followed by everyone else.
"Hey, Liz, look. It's meatloaf. Your favorite," Alex joked, nodding towards the food behind the glass.
She made a face. "Yeah, right," she replied, swatting his arm playfully.
Michael raised an eyebrow, surprised at the light interaction between his friends. He looked at Maria, who was grinning. "No, Liz's favorite is ghoulash," she interjected.
"Actually, my favorite is anything that's not served here at Ding," Liz replied wryly.
"Understandable," Alyssa muttered, making a face at the meatloaf that was lopped onto her plate.
"No doubt," Isabel agreed, grimacing at her own plate of the so-called meatloaf.
They made their way out to the cafeteria and sat down at their usual table. "Well, who wants Captain Crunch?" Maria asked as she looked around at the unhappy faces of her friends.
"I do," Isabel said immediately.
"Me too," Alyssa agreed, standing up.
"Yeah...cereal sounds good," Liz agreed.
"Wimps," Michael said.
"Oh, yeah? Let's see you take a bite of the brick loaf, tough guy," Maria retorted.
"Is that a challenge?"
"Oh, you bet it is," she replied, a glint in her eyes.
"Fine." Michael poured a heavy helping of tabasco sauce onto the mealoaf and then stabbed a piece with his fork and raised it to his mouth.
"He's not actually going to eat that, is he?" Alyssa asked Liz quietly, staring at Michael in horror.
"I think so," Liz said with a grimace.
"It's like one of those FOX shows...'When Smart People Do Dumb Things.' It's so awful you can't help but watch," Alex remarked to the two of them.
Liz and Alyssa both grinned.
Michael put the bite of meat in his mouth, made a face, but chewed it up and swallowed anyway. "See?"
Maria rolled her eyes. "Yep. That was very impressive, Michael." She walked away and got some cereal out of the canisters at the side of the room.
"Well, after that lovely display, I think I'll have some Captain Crunch myself," Max announced, standing up. He pushed his tray towards Michael. "You can have mine, too."
He shot a glare at his friend and then shoved away his tray. "Thanks, but I'll have to pass. I was just making a brief point, not trying to poison myself." He stood up and walked over to the cereal canisters. When Michael returned to the table, he sat down and sought out Alan's presence. He was sitting in the corner of the room with some of his friends, but his eyes were locked on Michael's friends.
"So what about sleeping arrangements tonight?" Maria asked, glancing around the table, a hint of anxiety in her voice.
"I'll stay with Liz," Alex said immediately, glancing at her.
She smiled across the table at him gratefully.
Max frowned.
"I'm staying wherever Maria is," Michael said, not taking his eyes off Alan.
"Well, Max, you could stay in Isabel and I's room again tonight," Maria suggested.
"But you're taking the floor," Isabel informed him.
"Sure." He looked at Liz, then at Alex, wondering what was going on.
"All right. That's settled then. Is it just me or is this cereal stale?" Maria asked with a sigh.
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Liz was in the park again. The three little kids were playing in the sandbox.
"He's coming for me again," the little dark haired girl told her.
She knelt down next to her. "I won't let him hurt you."
"Yeah, right."
Liz blinked in surprise at the sarcastic tone of the girl. "I won't."
"I don't believe you. You've never protected me before. What's so different about now?"
"I--"
"There's my special niece!"
Liz looked up and glared at Uncle Charlie as he approached her and the little girl. She stood up slowly. "Go away."
He laughed. "You can't stop me."
"I said go away!" she snarled forcefully.
The scenery shifted abruptly. She was lying in bed. The air was hot, almost stifling, and she shifted restlessly in her sleep.
Somewhere in her mind, her subconscious registered that something wasn't right. There was a noise--a soft sound nearby, then silence.
She twisted in the sheets sleepily, trying to get more comfortable. A moment later a hand clamped down over her mouth. Her eyes flew open and she clawed at the hand, trying to push it away.
"I've been watching you, Lainie," he whispered. The voice was familiar but she couldn't place it...
He removed his hand but before she could scream, he'd covered her mouth with duct tape. She tried to see his face but it was too dark. He bound her hands together with more tape as he sat on top of her. Then his own hands moved away for a moment and when they were in view again, she realized he was holding a knife.
He sliced open her nightgown and stared down at her. "I've been waiting for this for a long, long time, Lainie." He unbuckled his jeans and slid them off.
No! she cried out in her mind. But she couldn't scream, couldn't move. Her heart hammered wildly in her chest.
"You like it rough, don't you, baby?" He held the knife to her throat as he slammed into her body. She cried out, but the sound was muffled by the tape.
Please, someone help me! she prayed.
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Liz sat up in bed, gasping for breath. What the hell was that? she wondered, pressing a trembling hand to her heart. And where had she heard that name before? Lainie...it seemed so familiar but she couldn't figure out where she'd heard it.
She looked around her dark room, shaken by the dream. She swung her legs over the edge of her bed and stood up. She glanced at the top bunk, hesitated, then whispered, "Alex."
He rolled over and peered at her in the darkness of the room. "Liz? You okay?"
"I had a nightmare." Alex climbed down from the top bunk and held his arms out. She closed her eyes as she burrowed into the safety of his warm embrace. "Sorry to wake you."
"It's okay. I'm glad you did." They sat down on the edge of her bed and he smoothed the hair out of her face. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I...was in the park...Uncle Charlie was there...and then I was somewhere else...the guy kept calling me Lainie. He was...hurting me....or her...or...I don't know. It's really confusing."
Alex frowned. "Do you want me to stay down here with you?"
"Would you mind?"
"No. Of course not."
He laid back against the pillows, Liz's head resting on his shoulder. He kept an arm around her waist, as though he could protect her from her own nightmares that way. Alex felt her relax against him and a few moments later, she had fallen asleep again.
He closed his own eyes, and not much later he, too, fell back to sleep.
Part Thirty Seven
"You know, we should all do something tonight," Maria said as she glanced around the table at her friends at dinner that evening.
"Like what?" Isabel asked, pushing away the remainder of her salad.
"Like watch movies and have a big sleepover."
"Maria, I keep telling you, we're not 12 anymore," Alex joked.
She kicked him lightly under the table.
"I think it sounds fun," Isabel agreed.
"Cassie, what do you think?"
Cassie looked up at Maria and smiled. "It does sound fun," she agreed.
"Do we guys get any say in this?" Michael asked.
"No," Maria and Isabel answered simultaneously.
Liz looked across the table at Kyle, who smiled at her. She smiled back and then looked at Alyssa, who was sitting directly to her left. "Are you interested?"
"I wouldn't mind watching a movie. But after that I need to work on a paper."
"What movies should we rent?"
Michael tuned out the conversation and focused his attention on the strange feeling he'd been having since they'd arrived at Ding a half-hour before then. He casually glanced around the room.
Sure enough, they were being stared at.
By Alan Freedman.
Michael's eyes narrowed.
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Liz yawned and her eyelids started to droop as she stared at Isabel and Maria's t.v. screen.
"Jack, I want you to draw me like one of your French girls. Wearing this."
"Okay."
"Wearing only this."
Her eyes drifted shut despite the fact that they were watching one of her all time favorite movies. Alyssa had left after they all watched Twister. Maria had dozed off next to Liz a half-hour ago and Michael had fallen asleep during the opening credits.
For a few minutes she stayed conscious enough to hear the dialogue.
Then she drifted farther into the recesses of her own mind...
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Liz found herself standing at the park in Roswell. The sun was warm but the breeze made the day cooler. She looked around in confusion, wondering how she'd suddenly arrived in the park.
She spotted three children playing in the sandbox a few feet away. Two little girls and a little boy. One of the little girls had long dark hair and the other had short, curly blond hair. The little boy sat on one side of the dark-haired girl and the blond girl sat on her other side.
"I'm going to make the best castle ever!" the blond girl said excitedly as she sculpted the sand with a bucket and small plastic shovel.
Liz's eyes were glued to the dark haired girl who was quietly and studiously making designs with a thin twig on the walls of the castle she'd built. As if the girl somehow sensed Liz was watching her, she looked up and stared back.
Drawn to her inexplicably, Liz walked forward as the girl continued to stare at her. "That's a very cool castle," she said gently as she knelt down on the ground by the sandbox.
The little girl nodded. "Thank you."
Liz's gaze flickered to the other girl and then the boy and then back to the dark-haired girl again.
"He's coming."
"Who is?" Liz asked in confusion.
"The monster. He's coming for me."
Liz's heart clenched in fear. Her eyes darted around the park. "There are no monsters here."
"Yes, there are. He always finds me. I'm never safe. Never."
Liz jumped back as a huge shoe suddenly slammed into the castle walls the little girl had built, kicking sand everywhere and completely leveling it.
"I told you he always finds me."
She looked up and instantly backed away as Uncle Charlie glared down at her. She felt panic course through her veins as he turned to face the girl. Liz looked to the girl's friends. They continued to build their own castles, not even looking up.
"They can't help me. They can't see him," the little dark-haired girl said sadly.
Uncle Charlie reached down towards the girl.
"No!" Liz cried, her eyes widening in horror.
He turned towards her and smirked. "You can't stop me." He shoved her down on the ground and then picked up the little girl. "You'll never be able to stop me."
Liz watched helplessly through her tears as he picked the girl up and carried her away. "No," she whispered.
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Liz sat up and looked around the darkened room. Maria was next to her still asleep and the room was completely silent other than the occasional snore from Michael.
She swung her legs over the edge of Maria's bed and stood up. She made her way towards the door, carefully stepping over Max and Alex and walking around Michael and Kyle, who were all sleeping on the floor.
She reached for the door lock and quietly turned it, then reached for the handle.
"Liz?" Liz turned to see Kyle sitting up on his sleeping bag. He stood up and walked over to her. "Everything okay?"
She nodded. "I'm in the mood for hot chocolate." She could make out the trace of a smile on his lips.
"Mind some company?"
"That'd be nice." She pulled the door open and slipped outside. Kyle followed her, shutting the door behind them quietly.
After a short stop at her room to grab the canister of hot chocolate mix and a couple of mugs, they left West Lowers and went out into the lobby.
Kyle watched as Liz spooned the mixture into the mugs and stirred water into them. Then she slid them into microwave and set the timer.
"I'm sorry for waking you up. I was trying to be quiet."
"Actually, I wasn't asleep."
She frowned. "You weren't?"
"No. I was thinking."
"About--?"
"Why people believed the moon was made of cheese."
She stared at him for a moment and couldn't supress that laughter that escaped her lips.
"Really. It looks nothing like cheese," Kyle said seriously.
The microwave timer sounded and Liz shook her head and removed the mugs. She handed one to him and they sat down at the round table in the lobby.
Kyle glanced at her. "This is a nice campus. A lot smaller than U.N.M. Do you like it here?"
Liz sipped her cocoa. "Yeah, mostly. What about you? How's school going?"
He shrugged. "It's good."
"What's your major?"
"Psychology."
She looked at him in surprise. "Really?"
Kyle nodded. "Yeah, weird, huh?"
"No, it's just...that's my major, too."
"Yeah, Maria mentioned that once. I always thought you'd go into biology," he remarked.
Liz looked down at the table. "Yeah, I think everyone thought that."
"Well, as long ast you're doing what you want. That's the important thing."
She met his gaze and smiled, feeling a bit sad. "Yeah."
Kyle noticed the hint of wistfullness in her eyes. "What?"
"Nothing."
"Come on, Liz. I know better than that."
"I just...wish that we could see each other more often. That's all."
His eyes softened. "Well, Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks are just around the corner."
Liz looked away quickly. "Yeah."
"And I'm pretty sure that Cassie's going to want to come back and play in the snow sometime, seeing's how it never snows in Roswell."
"You really like her, don't you?" she asked softly.
"I love her."
"I'm really glad that you've found someone, Kyle. Cassie's great. I'm happy for you."
"Thanks. That means a lot to me," Kyle said sincerely.
Their eyes met and they both smiled and sipped their hot chocolate.
"So...what's going on with you and Max?" he asked quietly.
Liz took a deep breath and stared at the table. "I just...can't be with anyone right now, Kyle. It's not that I don't love him. I do. But now...I just need some time, you know?" She bit her lip and glanced at him, relieved when she didn't see any hint of disapproval on his face.
"You need to take care of yourself right now."
"I feel like I'm being selfish."
Kyle shook his head. "You're not. You need to figure things out without having to worry about everyone else. It's understandable."
She gazed at him. "Thank you for coming up here this weekend."
"You're welcome." Kyle met her gaze and set his mug down on the table. He held his arms open and she scooted around the circular booth and hugged him. "We're going to keep in touch this time, right?"
Liz nodded against his shoulder. "Definitely."
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Alex sat on the edge of Liz's bed, watching as she cleaned up her room. Kyle and Cassie had left earlier that day and Max and Michael were both currently working. Isabel and Maria both had papers to write and homework to do, so he had decided to stay with Liz.
"So...how are you doing?" he asked carefully, talking a bit louder than usual since Tonya was blaring music from next door.
Liz didn't say anything for a moment, just continued re-arranging the clothes in her wardrobe. "I'm okay," she said finally.
He had doubts, but honestly, she did seem better than she had recently. Whatever Kyle had said to her the previous day must have really gotten to her.
She turned to look at him. "You must be really bored."
He raised an eyebrow.
"Alex, I know you and Max and Michael think you have to protect us girls 24 hours a day. But it's broad daylight and Maria and Isabel are right next door. It's going to take me the rest of the afternoon to clean my room. You don't have to stay here and play bodyguard. I'll be okay," Liz assured him, not unkindly.
"I actually don't have anything to do. So I'd rather stay and hang out with you if that's okay. But I can go if you want me to."
She picked up a blue sweater off the floor of her wardrobe and started to put it on the hanger. "I just don't want you to feel like you have to--"
Alex looked up and saw she had frozen. "Liz?" he asked with a frown.
"Hey little girl is your daddy home
Did he go away and leave you all alone
I got a bad desire
I'm on fire..."
From where he was sitting, he could see her begin to tremble. He rose to his feet and moved quickly across the room. "Liz?"
She wouldn't--or couldn't--answer him. Her eyes were wide with fear, her face drained of all color. She just stood, seemingly rooted the ground, her breath coming in ragged, shaky puffs.
It took him a minute to realize what was happening. Then he suddenly recalled reading something about how victims of sexual abuse and rape often experienced panic attacks if something in their physical enviroment unexpectedly triggered a memory of the abuse they'd endured.
Alex gazed into her eyes, not touching her, afraid to initiate any physical contact without permission, afraid it would only upset her more. In a steady but gentle voice, he began to talk to her. "Liz, you're safe. You're in your dorm room at Blueridge University. No one's going to hurt you, I promise." He didn't see it having any effect, so he kept talking, forcing himself to stay calm and in control of the situation. "Liz, whatever you're remembering isn't happening now. You're safe, Liz. I'm right here with you, okay?"
Her face crumpled. "Alex?"
"I'm right here," he assured her.
She reached out for him, but started to slide to the floor, her knees giving out.
Alex quickly put an arm around her waist to slow her descent, and he let himself drop to the floor in front of her.
"What's happening to me?" she choked out.
He wrapped his arms around her, cradling her against him. "I think you're having a panic attack," he told her, stroking her hair gently.
"I feel like I'm suffocating," she gasped.
"Just take a deep breath, okay? Breathe with me." He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Liz did the same. "That's good. Again." He helped her to focus on breathing which seemed to calm her down a bit.
When she regained control of her breathing, the panic attack seemed to subside, giving way to tears. "It's never going to stop," she whispered.
"What isn't?"
"The fear. It's never going to go away. I thought if I got away it would, but it never will. It's never going to stop."
Alex closed his eyes and just held her. "We can get you help, Liz," he said quietly.
"No one can help me," Liz said, her voice barely audible. She pulled away from him and wiped her eyes. Then she stood up. "I need some time alone."
He was startled by her switch of demeanor. "Liz--"
"Please, Alex."
He sighed and stood up as well. "I know you don't want to talk about what's happening. But I'll be in my room if you change your mind."
They stared at each other for a long moment. Then Alex turned and left.
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Alyssa unzipped her winter coat as she headed out of the lobby and towards West Lowers. She stretched her arms above her head and yawned. She'd had to type her paper in the school's computer lab because her computer had frozen up the previous night and still hadn't unfrozen yet.
She pulled open the door to West Lowers and was startled to find Liz sitting on the floor outside her room. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around them, head tucked down.
"Liz?"
The other girl looked up, her eyes full of tears. "Everything's falling apart and it's all my fault."
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Alyssa draped a blanket around Liz's shoulders and sat down across from her in her desk chair. "What happened?" she asked gently.
"Alex was with me in my room. I was just hanging up clothes. And Tonya was blaring her radio next door. This song came on the radio and...I just...freaked out. I mean, I couldn't even breathe."
"The song triggered a memory," Alyssa said quietly.
Liz nodded, her face crumpling. "I've lost control of my life." She buried her face in her hands. "Alex probably thinks I'm psycho. I practically had a breakdown right in front of him."
"I really doubt Alex thinks that at all." Alyssa paused for a moment. "Actually, I think it would be a good idea if you talked to him about this."
"What? No, I can't. I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because I just can't!"
"Liz, when we first started becoming friends, you told me that you and Alex had been best friends since the fifth grade. That you could talk to him, tell him anything. What's changed between now and then? Do you not trust Alex?"
"It's not that."
"Do you think he'll not want you as a friend anymore?"
She stared at Alyssa.
"Because I'm going to tell you right now, that wouldn't happen. You're not giving him enough credit."
Liz looked away, brushing tears off her cheeks with the back of her hand.
"Liz, you have to talk to someone about this. Someone who knows you, really knows you. By not talking to and trusting the people that love you, you're giving your uncle all this power over you. He's got you silenced now the same way he did when you were a little girl. Don't let him have control, Liz. You can fight back now."
Tears dripped soundlessly down her cheeks and splashed onto her purple sweatshirt.
Alyssa knelt down in front of her and took Liz's hands in her own. "You have the most powerful weapons of all: the truth and your voice." She stared at Liz for a long moment.
Then Liz slowly climbed to her feet. "Thank you," she whispered, dropping the blanket onto Alyssa's bed and walking out the door.
Alyssa closed her eyes. "May the gods be with you."
* * *
Part Thirty-Eight
Liz stood outside Jewell Hall room #326 in East Lowers. The corridor was silent, but better-lit than West Lowers. She stared at the wooden door, unable to lift her hand to knock.
She closed her eyes to will away the tears that were forming again.
Could she really do this?
The very thought overwhelmed her with fear.
She suddenly heard Alyssa's voice in her mind. <"He's got you silenced now the same way he did when you were a little girl. Don't let him have control, Liz. You can fight back now.">
With resolve, Liz opened her eyes and took a deep breath. Then she knocked on the door.
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"Few survivors feel they have control over their memories. Most feel the memories have control over them, that they do not choose the time and place a new memory will emerge. You may be able to fight them off for a time, but the price--headaches, nightmares, exhaustion--is not worth staving off the inevitable. Not everyone will know a memory is starting, but many survivors do get warnings, a certain feeling or a series of feelings that clue them in. Your stomach may get tight. You may sleep poorly, have frightening dreams...."
Alex was so engrossed in what he was reading, he jumped when someone knocked on his door. "Who is it?" he yelled without looking up.
There was a moment of silence. "It's me. Liz."
He jerked his head up and closed the book. He quickly stuffed it underneath his pillow, stood up and crossed the room. He opened the door. "Hey."
"Hey," she said back. She shifted her weight from foot to foot, uncomfortably. "Are you busy?'
"No, not at all. Come on in." Alex stepped aside and closed the door behind her.
"I'm sorry about before."
"Don't be," he said immediately.
"Can I talk to you?"
"Of course. Do you want to sit down?"
Liz nodded. "Yeah, thanks," she said, almost shyly.
They sat down on his bed and glanced at each other.
"Alex, I'm really...afraid to talk about this," she confessed, staring down at his navy blue bedspread.
"I know you are," Alex said quietly. He reached out and took her hand. "But nothing you tell me is going to change the fact that you're my best friend. You don't have to deal with this alone."
She looked up and met his eyes, touched by his sincerity. "Thank you." Liz took a deep breath, determined to say what she needed to say before she lost the nerve to do so. "That song that Tonya was playing...when I heard it...I remembered that it was playing on the radio the first time that...that he raped me. I was six."
"Oh, Liz." Alex felt sick to his stomach.
"I've been having nightmares. Almost every night. I can't make them stop. He's always there. He never leaves me alone. I feel like I'm going crazy." She put her head in her hands.
He scooted closer and put his arm around her. "You are *not* going crazy."
"Alex, my parents are getting divorced."
"What?"
"That's why my mom was here. To tell me that it was my fault for what I said at Charlie's funeral." She rushed on before he could say anything. "And that if what I said happened actually happened, that I must have done something to encourage it."
A burst of anger flooded through him. "Encourage it? How the hell could you possibly have encouraged it? You were only six, for Christ's sake!"
"Maybe I said something or did something..." her voice trailed off.
"Liz, your uncle was a sick bastard who used you to get what he wanted. He was an adult. All of the blame--and I mean every single part of it--is on him alone. You are completely innocent."
When she didn't respond, Alex stood up, walked over to his book shelf and yanked down his photo album. He moved back to the bed and sat down next to her, opening the book up. He flipped through the pages until he found the picture he was looking for. Then he put the album on Liz's lap. "Look at that picture."
Liz gazed down at the photo he pointed at. It was her fourth grade class picture. She had on a long-sleeved white dress. She was smiling at the camera, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Do you honestly think that beautiful, innocent little girl could have done anything to make her uncle do what he did to her? Because I know she didn't."
She blinked back tears as she continued to stare at the picture.
"It's not your fault, Liz. You were just a kid," Alex said gently.
She swallowed hard. "I can't believe you kept this picture."
"I was the new kid in school. You were the only person in our class that gave me a picture."
They sat in silence for a few moments. Then Liz turned the page. She stifled a giggle at a photo of her, Alex and Maria taken by Maria's mom. It was around Halloween time and the three of them were scooping goo out of the pumpkins that Amy DeLuca was going to carve. Maria was threatening Alex with a handful of the goo, and Liz was making a face at the feel of the slimy substance.
"We were such a mess by the time we were through."
"It's no wonder Ms. DeLuca never invited us over to carve pumpkins again," Alex agreed, glancing at the photo.
The next picture was of the three of them in their Halloween costumes. Alex was dressed as a pirate, Maria as a fairy princess and Liz as Little Red Riding Hood. Alex was standing in between the two girls, his arms draped around them both and a big grin on his face.
Liz turned the page again and smiled slightly at the next photo. It was of the three of them on the swingset at Roswell Elementary. Her younger self occupied the middle swing, Alex was sitting to her left and Maria to her right. She was holding both of their hands.
"I have a lot of memories of that swingset," Alex said with a smile.
"Yeah, me too," she echoed. "I never would have survived without you and Maria," she added quietly.
He reached out and took her hand.
Liz turned to look at him with tear-filled eyes. "You guys kept me alive. I don't know what would have happened to me if we hadn't been friends."
Alex's own eyes watered. "Liz, I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did."
She nodded and her tears spilled over. "I know."
He pulled her into his arms and they held each other as they cried. After the tears dissipated, they just sat together in a comfortable silence, Liz's head resting on his shoulder, his chin resting on the top of her head.
Awhile later, Alex spoke again. "I don't know about you, but I could use something to drink. Do you want a soda or something?"
"Yeah, a soda would be nice."
He stood up and walked across the room to his mini-fridge.
Liz caught sight of something out of the corner of her eye. A book was peeking out from under Alex's pillow.
"Okay, we've got Pepsi, Cherry Pepsi, Sprite and 7UP."
"Cherry Pepsi," she answered. Her curiousity got the best of her and she pulled the book out from under his pillow and read the title. The Courage to Heal: A Guide For Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. She looked at Alex, who was still faced away from her, then quickly tucked the book back underneath the pillow, feeling incredibly touched that he cared so much about her.
"One Cherry Pepsi," Alex said, handing her the can. He sat down next to her.
"Thanks." She opened it and took a sip. Even though she felt a lot better than she had before, there was something else weighing heavily on her mind. "Alex?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanksgiving break is in a week and a half. I won't be going back to Roswell with you guys," Liz said quietly.
Alex stared at her. "Well, you're not staying here alone on the holidays."
"Alex--"
"It's not gonna happen, Liz. If you're staying, I'm staying, and I bet the others feel the same way."
"You have a family, Alex," she said softly.
Alex looked at her. "So do you," he replied seriously. "And we're going to figure something out, okay? I promise."
Liz met his eyes. She didn't know why she felt totally assured by that statement, but she believed him. She nodded slowly. "Okay."
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"So how are you doing?" Alyssa asked as she managed to pull Liz aside from the rest of her friends as they all walked together toward Ding that evening.
"Better," Liz said with a small smile.
Alyssa looked at her and then at Alex, who had turned to check and see if Liz was still with them. "You talked to him?" she asked quietly.
Liz nodded slightly. "Yeah. Thanks for the advice."
"No problem."
They arrived at the dining hall moments later, pausing to read a sign taped to the door.
Maria read it aloud. "'Notice: Starting this week, students must bring their school I.D.'s to every meal or admittance will be denied.'" She frowned. "Is this for real? We've never had to bring our I.D.'s to Ding before."
"Maybe they're having trouble with people showing up to eat that aren't students here," Max suggested.
Alex made a face. "Who the hell would want to eat here if they didn't have to?"
"Good point," Isabel remarked.
"I don't know, but can we go inside? It's freezing," Liz commented through chattering teeth. She pulled her jacket closer around her.
"Oh, yeah." Maria pulled open the door and stepped inside, followed by everyone else.
"Hey, Liz, look. It's meatloaf. Your favorite," Alex joked, nodding towards the food behind the glass.
She made a face. "Yeah, right," she replied, swatting his arm playfully.
Michael raised an eyebrow, surprised at the light interaction between his friends. He looked at Maria, who was grinning. "No, Liz's favorite is ghoulash," she interjected.
"Actually, my favorite is anything that's not served here at Ding," Liz replied wryly.
"Understandable," Alyssa muttered, making a face at the meatloaf that was lopped onto her plate.
"No doubt," Isabel agreed, grimacing at her own plate of the so-called meatloaf.
They made their way out to the cafeteria and sat down at their usual table. "Well, who wants Captain Crunch?" Maria asked as she looked around at the unhappy faces of her friends.
"I do," Isabel said immediately.
"Me too," Alyssa agreed, standing up.
"Yeah...cereal sounds good," Liz agreed.
"Wimps," Michael said.
"Oh, yeah? Let's see you take a bite of the brick loaf, tough guy," Maria retorted.
"Is that a challenge?"
"Oh, you bet it is," she replied, a glint in her eyes.
"Fine." Michael poured a heavy helping of tabasco sauce onto the mealoaf and then stabbed a piece with his fork and raised it to his mouth.
"He's not actually going to eat that, is he?" Alyssa asked Liz quietly, staring at Michael in horror.
"I think so," Liz said with a grimace.
"It's like one of those FOX shows...'When Smart People Do Dumb Things.' It's so awful you can't help but watch," Alex remarked to the two of them.
Liz and Alyssa both grinned.
Michael put the bite of meat in his mouth, made a face, but chewed it up and swallowed anyway. "See?"
Maria rolled her eyes. "Yep. That was very impressive, Michael." She walked away and got some cereal out of the canisters at the side of the room.
"Well, after that lovely display, I think I'll have some Captain Crunch myself," Max announced, standing up. He pushed his tray towards Michael. "You can have mine, too."
He shot a glare at his friend and then shoved away his tray. "Thanks, but I'll have to pass. I was just making a brief point, not trying to poison myself." He stood up and walked over to the cereal canisters. When Michael returned to the table, he sat down and sought out Alan's presence. He was sitting in the corner of the room with some of his friends, but his eyes were locked on Michael's friends.
"So what about sleeping arrangements tonight?" Maria asked, glancing around the table, a hint of anxiety in her voice.
"I'll stay with Liz," Alex said immediately, glancing at her.
She smiled across the table at him gratefully.
Max frowned.
"I'm staying wherever Maria is," Michael said, not taking his eyes off Alan.
"Well, Max, you could stay in Isabel and I's room again tonight," Maria suggested.
"But you're taking the floor," Isabel informed him.
"Sure." He looked at Liz, then at Alex, wondering what was going on.
"All right. That's settled then. Is it just me or is this cereal stale?" Maria asked with a sigh.
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Liz was in the park again. The three little kids were playing in the sandbox.
"He's coming for me again," the little dark haired girl told her.
She knelt down next to her. "I won't let him hurt you."
"Yeah, right."
Liz blinked in surprise at the sarcastic tone of the girl. "I won't."
"I don't believe you. You've never protected me before. What's so different about now?"
"I--"
"There's my special niece!"
Liz looked up and glared at Uncle Charlie as he approached her and the little girl. She stood up slowly. "Go away."
He laughed. "You can't stop me."
"I said go away!" she snarled forcefully.
The scenery shifted abruptly. She was lying in bed. The air was hot, almost stifling, and she shifted restlessly in her sleep.
Somewhere in her mind, her subconscious registered that something wasn't right. There was a noise--a soft sound nearby, then silence.
She twisted in the sheets sleepily, trying to get more comfortable. A moment later a hand clamped down over her mouth. Her eyes flew open and she clawed at the hand, trying to push it away.
"I've been watching you, Lainie," he whispered. The voice was familiar but she couldn't place it...
He removed his hand but before she could scream, he'd covered her mouth with duct tape. She tried to see his face but it was too dark. He bound her hands together with more tape as he sat on top of her. Then his own hands moved away for a moment and when they were in view again, she realized he was holding a knife.
He sliced open her nightgown and stared down at her. "I've been waiting for this for a long, long time, Lainie." He unbuckled his jeans and slid them off.
No! she cried out in her mind. But she couldn't scream, couldn't move. Her heart hammered wildly in her chest.
"You like it rough, don't you, baby?" He held the knife to her throat as he slammed into her body. She cried out, but the sound was muffled by the tape.
Please, someone help me! she prayed.
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Liz sat up in bed, gasping for breath. What the hell was that? she wondered, pressing a trembling hand to her heart. And where had she heard that name before? Lainie...it seemed so familiar but she couldn't figure out where she'd heard it.
She looked around her dark room, shaken by the dream. She swung her legs over the edge of her bed and stood up. She glanced at the top bunk, hesitated, then whispered, "Alex."
He rolled over and peered at her in the darkness of the room. "Liz? You okay?"
"I had a nightmare." Alex climbed down from the top bunk and held his arms out. She closed her eyes as she burrowed into the safety of his warm embrace. "Sorry to wake you."
"It's okay. I'm glad you did." They sat down on the edge of her bed and he smoothed the hair out of her face. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I...was in the park...Uncle Charlie was there...and then I was somewhere else...the guy kept calling me Lainie. He was...hurting me....or her...or...I don't know. It's really confusing."
Alex frowned. "Do you want me to stay down here with you?"
"Would you mind?"
"No. Of course not."
He laid back against the pillows, Liz's head resting on his shoulder. He kept an arm around her waist, as though he could protect her from her own nightmares that way. Alex felt her relax against him and a few moments later, she had fallen asleep again.
He closed his own eyes, and not much later he, too, fell back to sleep.
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Date: 2010-08-31 02:08 am (UTC)Good job on this, I'm not sure if the fic was completed. I'll carry on with the rest of your fics, anyhow.
I checked and this was written 10 years ago? Wow.