LMAO

[xtremeroswellia]

The Jerry Springer Show : Episode 627 : "Marriage Meltdown!"

[The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]

Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! Chloe is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Lana. So everyone, please put your hands together for Chloe!

[The crowd whoops and hollers]

Jerry: Okay, now Chloe you're here to talk about someone aren't you?

You: Yes.

Jerry: And what is this other person's name?

You: Clark.

[The crowd squeals with delight]

Jerry: Okay, okay, well Clark, is actually here tonight ...

[The crowd squeals]

Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Chloe, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... Lois!

You: What the HELL!!!

[Out of nowhere you pull out a Spork. Lois reaches for the Microwave. Out of the shadows Lex appears]

Lex: Wait everybody, wait!

Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Lois.

Lois: Because I saw Chloe and Lex making out at Starbucks!

[The crowd goes absolutely insane]

Lex: That's a lie! I was home watching Roswell!

Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Lois?

Lois: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Lana who has recently become engaged to Lex.

[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]

Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Lana out here because Chloe had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... Clark that's right!

Lana: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Clark! You know how I feel about Clark!

Lex: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Clark!

Lana: Because I knew that I could never have Clark. But Chloe promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!

Lex: What about respect for my feelings!

[Lois walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Lana]

Lois: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.

[Again the crowd squeals]

Lex: Oh my God! Are you sick!?

[Lex runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]

Lex: Chloe take me away from all of this!

You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ...

[The crowd does its bit]

Lex: Married?

[You nod]

Lex: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!

You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Clark.

Lana: [screaming] WHAT!!!

Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?

Clark: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 43 times if that's what you mean.

[The crowd squeals]

Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... Chloe is married to Clark who Lana has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Lana has recently become engaged to Lex who was recently spotted kissing Chloe in Starbucks. Now on top of this, Lois has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Lana.

Clark: That's right Jerry.

Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other.

[Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]



http://www.brainsluice.com/assorted/misc/jspringer.html

Comments

[lilisullivan.livejournal.com]

Oh.My.God! rotfl
That's brilliant
i couldn't stop laughing!

[vval.livejournal.com]

Hhahaha that's great!

Reminds me of an RPG of mine...

[tabbymarie.livejournal.com]

wow! that was *CRAZY ACCURATE*

[guitarsrawesome.livejournal.com]

OMG!!

[walkingxorgasm.livejournal.com]

Lois: Because I saw Chloe and Lex making out at Starbucks!

[The crowd goes absolutely insane]

Lex: That's a lie! I was home watching Roswell!


*spits out soda* I knew Lex watched Roswell....

LOL

[(Anonymous)]

OMG that was so damn funny.lol
I loved it. :)

Carla