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xtremeroswelliaTitle: Wherever You Will Go series, fic #27: Bargaining (1/1)
Authors: Demelza and X_tremeroswellian
Email(s): demelza81@yahoo.co.nz and X_tremeroswellian@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to us. They belong to Edward Allen Bernero and John Wells and a bunch of other people that we've never met before. Please don't sue.
Rating: PG-13 for language and sexual content
Summary: Things between Faith and Bosco continue to be strained while Kim, surrounded by friends, waits on a phone call from the judge regarding custody of her son.
Spoilers: Up through and including "The Unforgiven."
Bargaining
Kim stood at her kitchen stove, quickly stirring a pot of boiling pasta. She'd already made pasta salad lasagna and was working on fixing a batch of spaghetti. She shot a glance over her shoulder to where Carlos sat at her table, cradling Kylie in his arms as he watched her, a slight frown on his face. "What?"
"It's going to be fine, Kim..." he said, walking toward her. "Everything's going to turn out the way you want," he added, trying to assure her.
"What if it doesn't? What if the judge decides that Joey's still better off without me?"
He shook his head. "The judge won't think that. They'll see that he's better off with his mother, rather than his father. Hell, Jimmy gets you to pick him up every other day because he won't..."
"Yeah, but look at my past." Kim turned away from him, shaking her head as she stared down at the boiling pasta. "I tried to..." Her voice trailed off and it suddenly occurred to her that she and Carlos had never discussed that night.
Carlos' brow creased as he looked at her. "Tried to what, Kim?" he quietly asked, not wanting to push her to telling him anything she didn't want or feel comfortable saying.
"Tried to kill myself," she finished, her voice barely audible.
He instantly swallowed hard. He shook his head. "That was a long time ago."
"Yeah. And the judge decided once that I was an unfit mother because of it."
"He won't do that again. He can't. If he sees all the hard work you do to be there for Joey, his birthday party, picking him up after school those days...you'll get him, Kim, I know you will," he told her.
She put the wooden spoon down on the stove top and turned to face him. "You really think so?"
Carlos smiled warmly. "I really think so," he replied, nodding.
Kim managed a small smile, for some reason feeling a bit better knowing Carlos had faith in her and in the judge for doing the right thing. She turned back to the stove and began to stir the pasta again. She just wished she could have that same kind of faith in herself and in the world.
"Hey...you want a hand with anything?" he softly asked, taking a step to her side, gently rocking Kylie as she started gurgling in his arms.
"Actually..." She glanced at him. "Can I just...hold her?" she asked softly, her eyes pleading.
He smiled with a nod. "Sure you can..." he said. He looked down at Kylie. "Momma Kim is gonna hold you now, okay baby?" he asked sweetly, before handing her over to Kim.
Kim stared at Carlos for a moment, her heart skipping a beat at his words. Then she reached out and gently took her from him, cradling her close. She pressed a kiss to Kylie's forehead and met Carlos' eyes. "Thank you," she whispered.
He smiled again, softer this time. "You're welcome," he replied in a gentle voice. He leaned forward and tenderly pressed his lips to hers, before slowly pulling back, smiling again.
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His hands resting on the steering wheel, Bosco could feel his heart pounding in his chest, each beat coming with a surge of emotions he was willing himself not to express. Every part of him wanted to glance sideways, over at Faith, try read the expression on her face. But he couldn't, he couldn't bring himself to look at the woman he loved. He felt so hurt inside, so hurt that she'd made the decision to stay with the husband she'd been married to the past eleven years.
And all for what? So she could give her children the fairytale life of having two parents living the same household that loved them? Kids didn't need both parents, especially not if one was beating on the other. It was like his mom and dad all over again, except this time he was old enough and big enough to help, to stop it from happening. But Faith had as much told him she didn't want his help and that she was going to deal with it on her own, not wanting him to stop her.
He just wanted her to listen to the fact she didn't have to stay with that abusive bastard. Listen to him when he told her there was a better life, a man who really loved and wanted to be with her waiting if she only gave him half the chance. But no, apparantly she owed Fred, that payment was due to the fact she used him. Used him, he inwardly huffed, rolling his eyes. That bastard was taking advantage of the fact she felt too guilty to leave him that he was using any bit of abuse, anger and hurt against her he felt the desire to use.
Faith sat in the passenger seat, not even able to look at her partner, her best friend. The man she really loved and couldn't ever be with. She rested her head against the passenger window, remembering how upset he'd been with her the night before. How upset with her he obviously still was, given the fact that he hadn't even spoken to her since their shift started nearly three hours ago.
She squeezed her eyes shut tightly for a moment, then opened them again, remembering she only had herself to blame for the whole mess. She let out a short breath and propped her chin up on her hand, unconsciously biting on her thumb nail, something she hadn't done in a long time. The silence was starting to get to her and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
Bosco unconsciously took in a breath, then slowly let it out, trying to will himself to at least turn and look at Faith, even once. But he didn't. He just stared ahead at the road.
It was too damned quiet. She hated it when he wouldn't speak to her. She'd rather he be yelling at her then not speaking to her. She knew how to deal with yelling. She was used to it. Had been since she was a kid. She shifted again, feeling the silence eating at her slowly.
The silence was getting to him too, it was like he was giving her the silent treatment. Hell he was, but he didn't mean it to be like this, he never wanted this to ever happen to them. But here they were. He hated it. Wished the hell he could turn back the hands of time and find a zillion different ways to beg Faith to leave her husband, well before their heated argument those few nights ago.
He let out a sigh, mentally kicking himself up the ass and opened his mouth for the first time that night. "It really doesn't matter, does it?" he asked.
"What?" she asked, turning her head to glance at him, though she couldn't look at him for more than a couple seconds before looking away again.
His jaw set as he stared out the windshield, his eyes focusing on the car they were slowly coming up behind. "Nothing," he then muttered, not wanting to start another full swing verbal war between them.
One had been hard enough.
"Fine," she mumbled, looking out the window again. Another couple moments of silence passed between them and she was ready to throw herself out of the car just to kill the quietness. "I'm cutting back on my hours at work."
"You're what?!" Bosco exclaimed, finally turning his head to look at her. All he could see was seriousness in her eyes. "Wh-why?"
"So I can spend more time with my kids," she answered, though it wasn't the whole truth; he didn't need to know the whole truth. But it didn't stop her from feeling guilty as she looked away again.
He turned his attention back to the road, running her words through his mind several times. He couldn't argue with her reasoning, he wanted to, but he knew how much Faith's kids meant to her, and how much she'd so often wished she could spend more time with them. He didn't say anything else.
Faith swallowed hard, feeling something akin to desperation as silence fell once again. "You mad at me?" she whispered, her voice barely audible.
He was silent at first, then he shook his head. "No."
"You're not?" she said doubtfully, finally glancing over at him.
Bosco shook his head, then shrugged slightly. "I'm angry...but, not at you..."
Faith bit her bottom lip. "I'm sorry." She looked away again.
He didn't say anything, just put his elbow up on the door and rested his head in his hand for a moment. "I just don't understand why..." he said after a moment, almost choking as he tried not to let out the sob that was creeping up.
She winced as she heard his voice crack. Maybe silence had been the better option after all. "Look, I...thank you...for wanting to help me, but...I don't need help, Boz. I'm okay."
He shook his head, hearing her words, so quickly able to feel the tears as they rolled down his left cheek, secretly thanking God in that moment that she wasn't able to see them. He couldn't let her see him cry, his mom was right, and so was Faith, she did have to deal with this on her own. But he cared, so why wasn't he allowed to ask why she was making the biggest mistake of her life?
"I'm gonna be fine," she said softly, not really sure if she was trying to convince him or herself. "I promise."
Don't make promises your husband won't let you keep. "I hope so," he whispered back.
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Alex stood next to Davis on the front porch of Kim's house. She glanced over and gave him a small smile as she reached out and rang the bell. "You think the judge has already made a decision?" she asked, feeling a slight bit nervous herself and it wasn't even her custody battle.
He looked down at her. "I dunno...I just hope he lets her have custody."
"Or at least back to joint custody."
He nodded. "Or that."
Before she had a chance to respond, the door opened and Kim stood there, a surprised look on her face. "Alex, Davis...What are you two doing here?" she asked, confused.
Alex gave her an encouraging smile. "We're here to show our moral support."
"Thank you," Kim said quietly, a small smile on her face as she opened the screen door to let them in. She gave Alex a hug.
Alex glanced over her friend's shoulder and saw Carlos standing a few feet away, holding Kylie.
"Hey Taylor," Carlos grinned, before nodding in Davis' direction.
Davis' brow creased as he looked between Carlos and Kim, then he shook it off and turned his full attention to Kim. "Have you...heard yet?"
"No, nothing yet." Kim sighed heavily and closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead. "You guys want something to eat? We've got spaghetti, pasta salad, lasagna, macaroni and cheese, pizza and chocolate cake."
Alex raised an eyebrow as she looked at all the food on the counter. "Been busy?"
She managed a tiny smile. "Yeah."
"Well, I won't say no," Davis said, laughing a little. "Just, please tell me that's not vegetarian lasagna."
"Do I look like a vegetarian to you?" Kim retorted with a short laugh. "Help yourself. I think I made enough for the entire 55th precinct."
Carlos and Davis both laughed. "Hey, you want something man?" he asked Carlos, the young paramedic nodded and they both headed for the counter.
"So how are you holding up?" Alex asked quietly, studying her friend.
"I'm...okay, I guess. Carlos has been really great." Kim let out a breath and ran a hand through her long hair. "I just wish that the judge would hurry up and decide. I hate this waiting around."
Just then, Kylie started crying in Carlos' arms and he started jiggling her gently up and down as he dished up a plate of food for himself. "Hey hey...it's okay..." he said gently, leaving his plate where it was as he stepped around the counter and over to the two women. "Hey, could you take her...she seems to settle better with you..." he asked Kim, a soft, pleading look in his eyes.
"Sure, I'll take her," Kim answered, smiling softly as she reached for the baby.
Carlos gently handed her over."You stay with Momma Kim until dadda's eaten, okay sweetness?" he said softly to Kylie as he placed her in Kim's arms.
Alex's eyebrows shot up and she she stared at Carlos in astonishment.
"Whoa, what?" Davis asked, choking on the chip he'd just finished chewing.
"What?" Carlos asked back, confused.
Kim frowned, too, not sure why her friends were so startled.
"He just called you Kylie's mother," Alex said, shaking her head.
Carlos instantly looked at Kim, opened his mouth slightly, but didn't say anything.
Kim looked back at him, then shrugged and turned to Alex and Davis again. "So?"
"So...it just...caught me off guard," Alex said, still feeling a little shocked.
"Plus, it's just..." Davis began, but he shook his head when Carlos shot him a glare. "It'll take getting used to."
Kim bounced baby Kylie in her arms and cuddled her close, the girl quieting down almost instantly. "Well, they'll just have to get used to it, won't they, Kylie?" she whispered, kissing her forehead.
Alex glanced at Davis but remained silent.
Carlos smiled, his hand resting on Kim's shoulder for a moment before he took a step closer to her, gently touching the side of his daughter's face. "You want me to get you something?" he quietly asked, his eyes falling on Kim's.
"No thanks. I'm good," she answered, smiling at him slightly.
"Okay," he said back, before once again heading over to the counter.
Alex just shook her head slightly, still not used to the idea of Kim and Carlos being together.
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His left foot up on the turned inward wheel of the squad, Bosco sat on the hood with the foil wrapping of his burger opened widely as it sat up on his knee. He was only halfway through his burger when he balled the rest of it up and single handedly tossed it in the trash can a few feet up from the headlights of the squad. It went around the rim before slipping inside and landing on top of the rubbish from a business man who had cleaned his pockets out in over a half hour ago.
That's how long they'd been sitting there, him on one side of the hood, with Faith on the other, not talking, not facing each other. Nothing.
Faith picked at her salad tiredly. She'd barely taken three bites of it and she didn't want the rest, either. She slid off the hood and walked over to the trash bin and tossed it in on top of the sandwich Bosco had just discarded.
He let out a sigh where he sat, having turned his head in the opposite direction of the trash bin. As the hurt and pain welled up inside of him his mind was fighting with him to understand why he was giving her the cold treatment. She'd apologized, said she had to deal with it on her own. Who was he to step in her way to doing what she wanted, which was to stay with Fred. Hurting her or not, she felt she loved and owed him better than the treatment she'd given him all the years of their marriage.
Bullshit... but maybe that's why Fred had been drinking all those years? Thinking that Faith owed him so he could do whatever he wanted without consequence.
He shook his head, disgusted at himself for interfering in her life. A life, aside from their being partners and...friends, if they still were, was hers and hers alone. She had to fight her own battles, had to live her life in the way she chose to. No one could make someone change what was only natural to them for so long. Not druggies, not drunks, not sex offenders. And even then, if you'd separated them from their addictions, there was still that craving. So what that he wanted Faith to leave Fred, the other part of his mind argued, if she left him she'd still want to go back. Still wanted him to control her, force her to be a fading force in that household against his anger and rage.
God, why is this happening to me!? he angrily demanded, feeling his teeth clench in anger at why every thought burned his mind, made him angrier than he had ever felt before in his life. He shook his head, staring at the dairy three buildings down the road.
Faith closed her eyes as a wave of dizziness washed over her. She leaned forward, clutching tightly onto the garbage can for support. Then she took in a slow, deep breath and opened her eyes again. She turned and headed back for the car, pausing in her steps when a familiar figure started walking in her direction. Her eyes widened slightly. "Jamie?"
Jamie stopped in her steps, startlement in her eyes as she looked at the woman officer, then glanced over at her partner who now had his eyes fixed on her. A strange feeling came over her as she looked between them both, sensing the tension even from where she stood. "Hi, Faith..." she smiled faintly, closing the two metre long distance between them to a mere few feet.
"How are you?" Faith asked.
Bosco remained silent.
"I'm doing okay...got myself a job at Walmart..." she said with a nod. "I ah...I've seen you there a few times..."
She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it, remembering the last time she and Fred had been there together, the scene he'd caused. "Oh. I didn't...see you."
The young woman nodded. "Yeah, I was a few cashiers up from you and..." she couldn't say the rest as she saw the look on Bosco's face. She cleared her throat. "H-how are you though?"
"I'm good," she said instantly, nodding quickly.
"Good...after what happened...I was...I was really worried..."
"I'm okay, you know, it's...all in the past." Faith looked away.
I wish... Bosco thought, looking away from them both.
"True..." Jamie replied, smiling faintly again.
Faith drew in a deep breath and glanced at Jamie again. "So how are things with your mom?" she asked quietly.
She shrugged. "Okay I guess. We aren't really talking much since...everything that's happened."
She exhaled slowly, glanced over at Bosco, then back at the younger woman. "She upset with you?" she asked softly.
"I don't know. Some days we're fine, then others...I guess I can't really blame her, with everything I put her through," Jamie replied.
Faith looked down at the ground, unable to speak. She had the sinking feeling that Bosco was going to hate her for the rest of his life. That this silent treatment he was giving her wasn't just a one day thing, but a permenant thing. Guess I deserve it, she thought sadly, feeling guilty. She should never have allowed herself to get that close to him in the first place. If she hadn't, none of this ever would have happened.
Jamie took in a breath, looking between the two of them again. "I ah, better get going anyway...if my mom doesn't get her bagels, she'll have my head...it was nice catching up with you again, Faith..."
"Yeah, same here," she said quietly, looking up at her again. "Take care of yourself, okay?"
She nodded. "I will, thanks...you do the same, and you too, Bosco..." she said quietly before walking away.
Faith watched as the young woman walked away, a tightness in her chest. She suddenly felt like crying, though she wasn't sure why. She bit down hard on her lip and turned to head inside the nearest cafe without saying a word to Bosco.
His eyes closing, Bosco shook his head, a sob creeping up as he quickly regretted how the way he was acting was hurting Faith. The woman he loved. "*You asshole...*"
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Alex sat at the table in Kim's kitchen as she kept herself busy baking cookies. She held Kylie in her arms, planting a kiss on the top of the girl's head as she watched her friend run herself ragged from anxiety. She shot a worried glance at Davis, then at Carlos, who stood leaning against the counter a few feet away from Kim, a worried expression on his face.
"Kim..." Carlos began, seeing the look on Alex's face, he then turned to her, watching as she opened the oven and went to reach inside to retrieve the latest batch of cookies when he rushed over and pulled her back. "No!" he quickly exclaimed, holding her in his arms. "You forgot the mittens," he said frantically, heart racing in his chest.
Kim blinked a few times in confusion then looked down at her hands, realizing he was right. Her face crumpled and she laid her forehead down against his shoulder as she held onto him.
Alex swallowed hard and looked away, focused her gaze on Davis, who sat across from her at the table.
Davis returned her almost fearful expression, then glanced over at Carlos and Kim, who were holding onto each other, when suddenly the shrill tone of the phone rang through the air and he jumped.
Kim froze in Carlos' arms and the whole room fell dead silent. The phone rang again and she quickly pulled away from him and her hand shot out to grab it. She pressed it to her ear. "Hello?"
Alex held her breath and watched Kim's face, trying to read her reaction, praying silently that the news would be good while Carlos reached out and took Kim's free hand, squeezing it tightly and Davis crossed his fingers for good luck.
"No, I understand," Kim said, her voice low, her eyes staring down at the tile floor.
Alex fidgeted in her chair, feeling nervous.
"Right. Okay. Thank you," she said into the phone, her voice soft. She hung up the handset and paused. Then a wide grin spread across her face. "I've been granted joint custody of Joey again!"
"Oh my God!" Carlos exclaimed, taking hold of her in his arms and squeezing her tight. "That's great!" he shouted, roaring with laughter.
She laughed as happy tears streamed down her face and Carlos spun her around.
Alex grinned broadly and thanked God for the news. She looked over at Davis.
Davis smiled widely at his girlfriend, winking at her.
Alex kissed Kylie's forehead again. "Maybe happy endings exist after all," she said under her breath, still smiling.
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Faith stood in the locker room of the police station, staring into her locker and holding onto the door of it with one hand. She'd already changed into her street clothes, and she should've headed home by now, but for some reason she hadn't. She closed her eyes momentarily, tired and wishing that things weren't so strained between her and Bosco. They'd barely spoken all day.
Yep, he definitely hated her.
She bit her lower lip and opened her eyes, turning her head slightly to glance over to where he stood a few feet away at his own locker, shrugging into his jacket. She wanted to say something, *anything*, to make things okay between them. But what could she say? There was nothing left to be said.
Bosco looked over at Faith, watching as she stared into her locker. He felt bad, the way he'd been treating her today. Giving her the silent treatment. He didn't mean to, and if he did, he hadn't meant for it to go this far. He was hurting, but so was she, he came to realize as the shift wound up and they were here in the locker room, alone, silent, and hurting.
Zipping up his jacket, he took in a breath and closed his locker, slowly walking over to her. "Faith...I..." he began silently, not sure what else to say as he looked at her.
She swallowed hard and turned to look at him, waiting.
"I..." He still didn't know what to say, so he reached into his jacket pocket, removed a silver key from the keychain and gently placed it into her hand. "This...I want you to have it."
She frowned and looked down at the key he pressed into her palm. "What's this?" she asked, confused.
"It's for my apartment...I want you to have it, in case you need a safe place to go to and I'm not there," he replied, his voice low.
Faith lifted her gaze to his face. "Bosco..."
"If anything happens, anything at all...you'll need a place, and I...I want you to come to me. Night or day, whether I'm there or not...please...just, do this for me..."
Her eyes filled with tears, but she quickly blinked them back. She nodded wordlessly, hesitated for a moment, then hugged him.
Bosco wrapped his arms around her, holding her body close to his. "Just promise me...promise me you'll come..."
"I will," she said, her voice barely audible.
"Good," he replied, nodding as he closed his eyes, not wanting to ever let her go.
"I'm sorry, Bosco," she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut tightly.
"It's okay..." he whispered back. "I do...I do understand...I just wish I could change your mind."
"I wish things were different, but they're not." She pulled away from him and looked at him sadly. "I just don't want to lose you, Boz."
He swallowed, looking back at her. Then, he reached his hand up and touched her face. "You won't...not ever..." he promised, a tear rolling down his cheek. "I'm always, no matter what, gonna love you, and be here for you...okay?"
She leaned forward and gently kissed his cheek, tasting the saltiness of his tear on her lips. "I love you, too, and I'll always be here for you, too. I just don't want you to hate me because of everything I've put you through." She leaned her forehead against his.
His eyes closed, wishing this closeness was for real, for eternity. He swallowed, placing his hand gently at the back of her head. "I wouldn't hate you...not after everything you've showed me these past months."
"So are we okay?" Faith asked softly, a tear splashing down onto her jacket.
He nodded. "Yeah. We always were..." he whispered back. "I was just...trying to figure everything out."
A wave of relief washed over her at his words and she felt a bit of the tension ease from her mind as well as her body. "Thank you," she whispered, gripping the key to his apartment tightly in her hand.
"Any time," Bosco said back.
She let her head lean against his for another long moment before reluctantly pulling away. "I should, uh...I should get home."
He nodded, sadly. "Do you...need a ride? It's still thundering out..."
She hesitated uncertainly. Did she have that right, to ask him to take her back to a man he hated? Was it fair to him? She dropped her gaze to the floor. "No, but...thank you for the offer. I think that I could use the walk. Give me a chance to clear my head."
He nodded. "Are you sure...?"
"Yeah." Faith looked up at him, gave him a small smile. "So I'll see you tomorrow?"
Bosco gave her a small smile back. "I'll be here. I'll ah...I'll see you tomorrow then..."
She nodded, not breaking his gaze. "Goodnight, Bosco," she whispered, still clutching the key in her hand. After a moment, she took a deep breath and walked toward the exit of the locker room as he stood there alone, staring after her sadly.
Authors: Demelza and X_tremeroswellian
Email(s): demelza81@yahoo.co.nz and X_tremeroswellian@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to us. They belong to Edward Allen Bernero and John Wells and a bunch of other people that we've never met before. Please don't sue.
Rating: PG-13 for language and sexual content
Summary: Things between Faith and Bosco continue to be strained while Kim, surrounded by friends, waits on a phone call from the judge regarding custody of her son.
Spoilers: Up through and including "The Unforgiven."
Bargaining
Kim stood at her kitchen stove, quickly stirring a pot of boiling pasta. She'd already made pasta salad lasagna and was working on fixing a batch of spaghetti. She shot a glance over her shoulder to where Carlos sat at her table, cradling Kylie in his arms as he watched her, a slight frown on his face. "What?"
"It's going to be fine, Kim..." he said, walking toward her. "Everything's going to turn out the way you want," he added, trying to assure her.
"What if it doesn't? What if the judge decides that Joey's still better off without me?"
He shook his head. "The judge won't think that. They'll see that he's better off with his mother, rather than his father. Hell, Jimmy gets you to pick him up every other day because he won't..."
"Yeah, but look at my past." Kim turned away from him, shaking her head as she stared down at the boiling pasta. "I tried to..." Her voice trailed off and it suddenly occurred to her that she and Carlos had never discussed that night.
Carlos' brow creased as he looked at her. "Tried to what, Kim?" he quietly asked, not wanting to push her to telling him anything she didn't want or feel comfortable saying.
"Tried to kill myself," she finished, her voice barely audible.
He instantly swallowed hard. He shook his head. "That was a long time ago."
"Yeah. And the judge decided once that I was an unfit mother because of it."
"He won't do that again. He can't. If he sees all the hard work you do to be there for Joey, his birthday party, picking him up after school those days...you'll get him, Kim, I know you will," he told her.
She put the wooden spoon down on the stove top and turned to face him. "You really think so?"
Carlos smiled warmly. "I really think so," he replied, nodding.
Kim managed a small smile, for some reason feeling a bit better knowing Carlos had faith in her and in the judge for doing the right thing. She turned back to the stove and began to stir the pasta again. She just wished she could have that same kind of faith in herself and in the world.
"Hey...you want a hand with anything?" he softly asked, taking a step to her side, gently rocking Kylie as she started gurgling in his arms.
"Actually..." She glanced at him. "Can I just...hold her?" she asked softly, her eyes pleading.
He smiled with a nod. "Sure you can..." he said. He looked down at Kylie. "Momma Kim is gonna hold you now, okay baby?" he asked sweetly, before handing her over to Kim.
Kim stared at Carlos for a moment, her heart skipping a beat at his words. Then she reached out and gently took her from him, cradling her close. She pressed a kiss to Kylie's forehead and met Carlos' eyes. "Thank you," she whispered.
He smiled again, softer this time. "You're welcome," he replied in a gentle voice. He leaned forward and tenderly pressed his lips to hers, before slowly pulling back, smiling again.
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His hands resting on the steering wheel, Bosco could feel his heart pounding in his chest, each beat coming with a surge of emotions he was willing himself not to express. Every part of him wanted to glance sideways, over at Faith, try read the expression on her face. But he couldn't, he couldn't bring himself to look at the woman he loved. He felt so hurt inside, so hurt that she'd made the decision to stay with the husband she'd been married to the past eleven years.
And all for what? So she could give her children the fairytale life of having two parents living the same household that loved them? Kids didn't need both parents, especially not if one was beating on the other. It was like his mom and dad all over again, except this time he was old enough and big enough to help, to stop it from happening. But Faith had as much told him she didn't want his help and that she was going to deal with it on her own, not wanting him to stop her.
He just wanted her to listen to the fact she didn't have to stay with that abusive bastard. Listen to him when he told her there was a better life, a man who really loved and wanted to be with her waiting if she only gave him half the chance. But no, apparantly she owed Fred, that payment was due to the fact she used him. Used him, he inwardly huffed, rolling his eyes. That bastard was taking advantage of the fact she felt too guilty to leave him that he was using any bit of abuse, anger and hurt against her he felt the desire to use.
Faith sat in the passenger seat, not even able to look at her partner, her best friend. The man she really loved and couldn't ever be with. She rested her head against the passenger window, remembering how upset he'd been with her the night before. How upset with her he obviously still was, given the fact that he hadn't even spoken to her since their shift started nearly three hours ago.
She squeezed her eyes shut tightly for a moment, then opened them again, remembering she only had herself to blame for the whole mess. She let out a short breath and propped her chin up on her hand, unconsciously biting on her thumb nail, something she hadn't done in a long time. The silence was starting to get to her and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
Bosco unconsciously took in a breath, then slowly let it out, trying to will himself to at least turn and look at Faith, even once. But he didn't. He just stared ahead at the road.
It was too damned quiet. She hated it when he wouldn't speak to her. She'd rather he be yelling at her then not speaking to her. She knew how to deal with yelling. She was used to it. Had been since she was a kid. She shifted again, feeling the silence eating at her slowly.
The silence was getting to him too, it was like he was giving her the silent treatment. Hell he was, but he didn't mean it to be like this, he never wanted this to ever happen to them. But here they were. He hated it. Wished the hell he could turn back the hands of time and find a zillion different ways to beg Faith to leave her husband, well before their heated argument those few nights ago.
He let out a sigh, mentally kicking himself up the ass and opened his mouth for the first time that night. "It really doesn't matter, does it?" he asked.
"What?" she asked, turning her head to glance at him, though she couldn't look at him for more than a couple seconds before looking away again.
His jaw set as he stared out the windshield, his eyes focusing on the car they were slowly coming up behind. "Nothing," he then muttered, not wanting to start another full swing verbal war between them.
One had been hard enough.
"Fine," she mumbled, looking out the window again. Another couple moments of silence passed between them and she was ready to throw herself out of the car just to kill the quietness. "I'm cutting back on my hours at work."
"You're what?!" Bosco exclaimed, finally turning his head to look at her. All he could see was seriousness in her eyes. "Wh-why?"
"So I can spend more time with my kids," she answered, though it wasn't the whole truth; he didn't need to know the whole truth. But it didn't stop her from feeling guilty as she looked away again.
He turned his attention back to the road, running her words through his mind several times. He couldn't argue with her reasoning, he wanted to, but he knew how much Faith's kids meant to her, and how much she'd so often wished she could spend more time with them. He didn't say anything else.
Faith swallowed hard, feeling something akin to desperation as silence fell once again. "You mad at me?" she whispered, her voice barely audible.
He was silent at first, then he shook his head. "No."
"You're not?" she said doubtfully, finally glancing over at him.
Bosco shook his head, then shrugged slightly. "I'm angry...but, not at you..."
Faith bit her bottom lip. "I'm sorry." She looked away again.
He didn't say anything, just put his elbow up on the door and rested his head in his hand for a moment. "I just don't understand why..." he said after a moment, almost choking as he tried not to let out the sob that was creeping up.
She winced as she heard his voice crack. Maybe silence had been the better option after all. "Look, I...thank you...for wanting to help me, but...I don't need help, Boz. I'm okay."
He shook his head, hearing her words, so quickly able to feel the tears as they rolled down his left cheek, secretly thanking God in that moment that she wasn't able to see them. He couldn't let her see him cry, his mom was right, and so was Faith, she did have to deal with this on her own. But he cared, so why wasn't he allowed to ask why she was making the biggest mistake of her life?
"I'm gonna be fine," she said softly, not really sure if she was trying to convince him or herself. "I promise."
Don't make promises your husband won't let you keep. "I hope so," he whispered back.
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Alex stood next to Davis on the front porch of Kim's house. She glanced over and gave him a small smile as she reached out and rang the bell. "You think the judge has already made a decision?" she asked, feeling a slight bit nervous herself and it wasn't even her custody battle.
He looked down at her. "I dunno...I just hope he lets her have custody."
"Or at least back to joint custody."
He nodded. "Or that."
Before she had a chance to respond, the door opened and Kim stood there, a surprised look on her face. "Alex, Davis...What are you two doing here?" she asked, confused.
Alex gave her an encouraging smile. "We're here to show our moral support."
"Thank you," Kim said quietly, a small smile on her face as she opened the screen door to let them in. She gave Alex a hug.
Alex glanced over her friend's shoulder and saw Carlos standing a few feet away, holding Kylie.
"Hey Taylor," Carlos grinned, before nodding in Davis' direction.
Davis' brow creased as he looked between Carlos and Kim, then he shook it off and turned his full attention to Kim. "Have you...heard yet?"
"No, nothing yet." Kim sighed heavily and closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead. "You guys want something to eat? We've got spaghetti, pasta salad, lasagna, macaroni and cheese, pizza and chocolate cake."
Alex raised an eyebrow as she looked at all the food on the counter. "Been busy?"
She managed a tiny smile. "Yeah."
"Well, I won't say no," Davis said, laughing a little. "Just, please tell me that's not vegetarian lasagna."
"Do I look like a vegetarian to you?" Kim retorted with a short laugh. "Help yourself. I think I made enough for the entire 55th precinct."
Carlos and Davis both laughed. "Hey, you want something man?" he asked Carlos, the young paramedic nodded and they both headed for the counter.
"So how are you holding up?" Alex asked quietly, studying her friend.
"I'm...okay, I guess. Carlos has been really great." Kim let out a breath and ran a hand through her long hair. "I just wish that the judge would hurry up and decide. I hate this waiting around."
Just then, Kylie started crying in Carlos' arms and he started jiggling her gently up and down as he dished up a plate of food for himself. "Hey hey...it's okay..." he said gently, leaving his plate where it was as he stepped around the counter and over to the two women. "Hey, could you take her...she seems to settle better with you..." he asked Kim, a soft, pleading look in his eyes.
"Sure, I'll take her," Kim answered, smiling softly as she reached for the baby.
Carlos gently handed her over."You stay with Momma Kim until dadda's eaten, okay sweetness?" he said softly to Kylie as he placed her in Kim's arms.
Alex's eyebrows shot up and she she stared at Carlos in astonishment.
"Whoa, what?" Davis asked, choking on the chip he'd just finished chewing.
"What?" Carlos asked back, confused.
Kim frowned, too, not sure why her friends were so startled.
"He just called you Kylie's mother," Alex said, shaking her head.
Carlos instantly looked at Kim, opened his mouth slightly, but didn't say anything.
Kim looked back at him, then shrugged and turned to Alex and Davis again. "So?"
"So...it just...caught me off guard," Alex said, still feeling a little shocked.
"Plus, it's just..." Davis began, but he shook his head when Carlos shot him a glare. "It'll take getting used to."
Kim bounced baby Kylie in her arms and cuddled her close, the girl quieting down almost instantly. "Well, they'll just have to get used to it, won't they, Kylie?" she whispered, kissing her forehead.
Alex glanced at Davis but remained silent.
Carlos smiled, his hand resting on Kim's shoulder for a moment before he took a step closer to her, gently touching the side of his daughter's face. "You want me to get you something?" he quietly asked, his eyes falling on Kim's.
"No thanks. I'm good," she answered, smiling at him slightly.
"Okay," he said back, before once again heading over to the counter.
Alex just shook her head slightly, still not used to the idea of Kim and Carlos being together.
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His left foot up on the turned inward wheel of the squad, Bosco sat on the hood with the foil wrapping of his burger opened widely as it sat up on his knee. He was only halfway through his burger when he balled the rest of it up and single handedly tossed it in the trash can a few feet up from the headlights of the squad. It went around the rim before slipping inside and landing on top of the rubbish from a business man who had cleaned his pockets out in over a half hour ago.
That's how long they'd been sitting there, him on one side of the hood, with Faith on the other, not talking, not facing each other. Nothing.
Faith picked at her salad tiredly. She'd barely taken three bites of it and she didn't want the rest, either. She slid off the hood and walked over to the trash bin and tossed it in on top of the sandwich Bosco had just discarded.
He let out a sigh where he sat, having turned his head in the opposite direction of the trash bin. As the hurt and pain welled up inside of him his mind was fighting with him to understand why he was giving her the cold treatment. She'd apologized, said she had to deal with it on her own. Who was he to step in her way to doing what she wanted, which was to stay with Fred. Hurting her or not, she felt she loved and owed him better than the treatment she'd given him all the years of their marriage.
Bullshit... but maybe that's why Fred had been drinking all those years? Thinking that Faith owed him so he could do whatever he wanted without consequence.
He shook his head, disgusted at himself for interfering in her life. A life, aside from their being partners and...friends, if they still were, was hers and hers alone. She had to fight her own battles, had to live her life in the way she chose to. No one could make someone change what was only natural to them for so long. Not druggies, not drunks, not sex offenders. And even then, if you'd separated them from their addictions, there was still that craving. So what that he wanted Faith to leave Fred, the other part of his mind argued, if she left him she'd still want to go back. Still wanted him to control her, force her to be a fading force in that household against his anger and rage.
God, why is this happening to me!? he angrily demanded, feeling his teeth clench in anger at why every thought burned his mind, made him angrier than he had ever felt before in his life. He shook his head, staring at the dairy three buildings down the road.
Faith closed her eyes as a wave of dizziness washed over her. She leaned forward, clutching tightly onto the garbage can for support. Then she took in a slow, deep breath and opened her eyes again. She turned and headed back for the car, pausing in her steps when a familiar figure started walking in her direction. Her eyes widened slightly. "Jamie?"
Jamie stopped in her steps, startlement in her eyes as she looked at the woman officer, then glanced over at her partner who now had his eyes fixed on her. A strange feeling came over her as she looked between them both, sensing the tension even from where she stood. "Hi, Faith..." she smiled faintly, closing the two metre long distance between them to a mere few feet.
"How are you?" Faith asked.
Bosco remained silent.
"I'm doing okay...got myself a job at Walmart..." she said with a nod. "I ah...I've seen you there a few times..."
She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it, remembering the last time she and Fred had been there together, the scene he'd caused. "Oh. I didn't...see you."
The young woman nodded. "Yeah, I was a few cashiers up from you and..." she couldn't say the rest as she saw the look on Bosco's face. She cleared her throat. "H-how are you though?"
"I'm good," she said instantly, nodding quickly.
"Good...after what happened...I was...I was really worried..."
"I'm okay, you know, it's...all in the past." Faith looked away.
I wish... Bosco thought, looking away from them both.
"True..." Jamie replied, smiling faintly again.
Faith drew in a deep breath and glanced at Jamie again. "So how are things with your mom?" she asked quietly.
She shrugged. "Okay I guess. We aren't really talking much since...everything that's happened."
She exhaled slowly, glanced over at Bosco, then back at the younger woman. "She upset with you?" she asked softly.
"I don't know. Some days we're fine, then others...I guess I can't really blame her, with everything I put her through," Jamie replied.
Faith looked down at the ground, unable to speak. She had the sinking feeling that Bosco was going to hate her for the rest of his life. That this silent treatment he was giving her wasn't just a one day thing, but a permenant thing. Guess I deserve it, she thought sadly, feeling guilty. She should never have allowed herself to get that close to him in the first place. If she hadn't, none of this ever would have happened.
Jamie took in a breath, looking between the two of them again. "I ah, better get going anyway...if my mom doesn't get her bagels, she'll have my head...it was nice catching up with you again, Faith..."
"Yeah, same here," she said quietly, looking up at her again. "Take care of yourself, okay?"
She nodded. "I will, thanks...you do the same, and you too, Bosco..." she said quietly before walking away.
Faith watched as the young woman walked away, a tightness in her chest. She suddenly felt like crying, though she wasn't sure why. She bit down hard on her lip and turned to head inside the nearest cafe without saying a word to Bosco.
His eyes closing, Bosco shook his head, a sob creeping up as he quickly regretted how the way he was acting was hurting Faith. The woman he loved. "*You asshole...*"
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Alex sat at the table in Kim's kitchen as she kept herself busy baking cookies. She held Kylie in her arms, planting a kiss on the top of the girl's head as she watched her friend run herself ragged from anxiety. She shot a worried glance at Davis, then at Carlos, who stood leaning against the counter a few feet away from Kim, a worried expression on his face.
"Kim..." Carlos began, seeing the look on Alex's face, he then turned to her, watching as she opened the oven and went to reach inside to retrieve the latest batch of cookies when he rushed over and pulled her back. "No!" he quickly exclaimed, holding her in his arms. "You forgot the mittens," he said frantically, heart racing in his chest.
Kim blinked a few times in confusion then looked down at her hands, realizing he was right. Her face crumpled and she laid her forehead down against his shoulder as she held onto him.
Alex swallowed hard and looked away, focused her gaze on Davis, who sat across from her at the table.
Davis returned her almost fearful expression, then glanced over at Carlos and Kim, who were holding onto each other, when suddenly the shrill tone of the phone rang through the air and he jumped.
Kim froze in Carlos' arms and the whole room fell dead silent. The phone rang again and she quickly pulled away from him and her hand shot out to grab it. She pressed it to her ear. "Hello?"
Alex held her breath and watched Kim's face, trying to read her reaction, praying silently that the news would be good while Carlos reached out and took Kim's free hand, squeezing it tightly and Davis crossed his fingers for good luck.
"No, I understand," Kim said, her voice low, her eyes staring down at the tile floor.
Alex fidgeted in her chair, feeling nervous.
"Right. Okay. Thank you," she said into the phone, her voice soft. She hung up the handset and paused. Then a wide grin spread across her face. "I've been granted joint custody of Joey again!"
"Oh my God!" Carlos exclaimed, taking hold of her in his arms and squeezing her tight. "That's great!" he shouted, roaring with laughter.
She laughed as happy tears streamed down her face and Carlos spun her around.
Alex grinned broadly and thanked God for the news. She looked over at Davis.
Davis smiled widely at his girlfriend, winking at her.
Alex kissed Kylie's forehead again. "Maybe happy endings exist after all," she said under her breath, still smiling.
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Faith stood in the locker room of the police station, staring into her locker and holding onto the door of it with one hand. She'd already changed into her street clothes, and she should've headed home by now, but for some reason she hadn't. She closed her eyes momentarily, tired and wishing that things weren't so strained between her and Bosco. They'd barely spoken all day.
Yep, he definitely hated her.
She bit her lower lip and opened her eyes, turning her head slightly to glance over to where he stood a few feet away at his own locker, shrugging into his jacket. She wanted to say something, *anything*, to make things okay between them. But what could she say? There was nothing left to be said.
Bosco looked over at Faith, watching as she stared into her locker. He felt bad, the way he'd been treating her today. Giving her the silent treatment. He didn't mean to, and if he did, he hadn't meant for it to go this far. He was hurting, but so was she, he came to realize as the shift wound up and they were here in the locker room, alone, silent, and hurting.
Zipping up his jacket, he took in a breath and closed his locker, slowly walking over to her. "Faith...I..." he began silently, not sure what else to say as he looked at her.
She swallowed hard and turned to look at him, waiting.
"I..." He still didn't know what to say, so he reached into his jacket pocket, removed a silver key from the keychain and gently placed it into her hand. "This...I want you to have it."
She frowned and looked down at the key he pressed into her palm. "What's this?" she asked, confused.
"It's for my apartment...I want you to have it, in case you need a safe place to go to and I'm not there," he replied, his voice low.
Faith lifted her gaze to his face. "Bosco..."
"If anything happens, anything at all...you'll need a place, and I...I want you to come to me. Night or day, whether I'm there or not...please...just, do this for me..."
Her eyes filled with tears, but she quickly blinked them back. She nodded wordlessly, hesitated for a moment, then hugged him.
Bosco wrapped his arms around her, holding her body close to his. "Just promise me...promise me you'll come..."
"I will," she said, her voice barely audible.
"Good," he replied, nodding as he closed his eyes, not wanting to ever let her go.
"I'm sorry, Bosco," she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut tightly.
"It's okay..." he whispered back. "I do...I do understand...I just wish I could change your mind."
"I wish things were different, but they're not." She pulled away from him and looked at him sadly. "I just don't want to lose you, Boz."
He swallowed, looking back at her. Then, he reached his hand up and touched her face. "You won't...not ever..." he promised, a tear rolling down his cheek. "I'm always, no matter what, gonna love you, and be here for you...okay?"
She leaned forward and gently kissed his cheek, tasting the saltiness of his tear on her lips. "I love you, too, and I'll always be here for you, too. I just don't want you to hate me because of everything I've put you through." She leaned her forehead against his.
His eyes closed, wishing this closeness was for real, for eternity. He swallowed, placing his hand gently at the back of her head. "I wouldn't hate you...not after everything you've showed me these past months."
"So are we okay?" Faith asked softly, a tear splashing down onto her jacket.
He nodded. "Yeah. We always were..." he whispered back. "I was just...trying to figure everything out."
A wave of relief washed over her at his words and she felt a bit of the tension ease from her mind as well as her body. "Thank you," she whispered, gripping the key to his apartment tightly in her hand.
"Any time," Bosco said back.
She let her head lean against his for another long moment before reluctantly pulling away. "I should, uh...I should get home."
He nodded, sadly. "Do you...need a ride? It's still thundering out..."
She hesitated uncertainly. Did she have that right, to ask him to take her back to a man he hated? Was it fair to him? She dropped her gaze to the floor. "No, but...thank you for the offer. I think that I could use the walk. Give me a chance to clear my head."
He nodded. "Are you sure...?"
"Yeah." Faith looked up at him, gave him a small smile. "So I'll see you tomorrow?"
Bosco gave her a small smile back. "I'll be here. I'll ah...I'll see you tomorrow then..."
She nodded, not breaking his gaze. "Goodnight, Bosco," she whispered, still clutching the key in her hand. After a moment, she took a deep breath and walked toward the exit of the locker room as he stood there alone, staring after her sadly.
