Roswell Fic: Limitations (1/1)
Oct. 6th, 2000 10:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xtremeroswelliaAuthor: X_tremeroswellian
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Leaving Normal.
Summary: Max's thoughts after the events of "Leaving Normal."
Limitations
I hate having to stay in the shadows.
It used to bother me a lot, that I was different, that I could only watch everyone, watch her from a distance. But I could see her, watch her, know her without her knowing I was watching. I was safe then because she didn't know the truth and I didn't have to worry about her being in danger, or being hurt because of me.
But it's just not enough anymore.
I can't watch her without wanting to be closer, without wanting to touch her, without her watching me in return.
Michael and Isabel don't understand. They can't understand.
It's clear cut to them: I just stay away from her.
Logically, I know they're right. I should stay away from Liz. Not just because it's dangerous for all of us, but because Liz deserves something more, something I can never give her.
I've tried to stay away. But something always happens to bring the two of us back together.
Like Liz's grandmother. When Liz asked me if there was anything I could do, and I had to tell her there wasn't, the look on her face was enough to make my heart stop. She seemed to understand, but all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and explain it to her.
I had to try. I tried to form the connection, to bring back the woman who meant so much to her, to give her her heart's desire. But I couldn't do it. I wanted to heal her more than anything. For Liz. But I couldn't because of the limitations of my own powers.
I drove Liz home after her grandmother died. I didn't care what Michael or Isabel wanted right then. She needed me.
And when she stood before me, lost and hurt, and alone, all I could do was offer her comfort. That's what she needed from me. I needed that from her. We needed each other.
So I offered and she accepted. I held her in my arms while she cried. She fit in my arms so perfectly. Her hair smelled sweet, like jasmine, and it was soft and silky beneath my touch.
We stood that way for a long time, just holding one another. I didn't want to let her go. I wanted to spend the night just holding her in my arms while she slept. I wanted to be the one there for her if she woke up and needed someone. But I didn't, and I wasn't.
Because no matter how much I want to be part of her life, the way she is mine, there have to be limitations. For both our sakes.
I know that Liz cares for me, that what we share runs deeper than the love between most people. But I can't, I won't take the chance on hurting her. If we ever got caught, or if we found the answers we've been searching for and we leave to go home, I couldn't leave her. I wouldn't leave her.
But it wouldn't be right to ask her to come with me, no matter how badly I want answers to my own past. I couldn't ask her to leave her family, her home, to give up everything she's ever known for me. No more than she would ever ask me to stay.
Because everyone has their limitations. Even love. People say that love conquers all, that there are no limits, but there are.
It's out of love that we set limits. To avoid hurting those we care about. Because love shouldn't hurt. That's why we need limitations. To tell us how far is too far, to tell us when to step back to avoid hurting or being hurt.
I couldn't let Michael and Izzy go on their own, anyway, could I? My first responsibility has to be to them, right? I have to make sure they're safe, and we have to stick together, because that's what we've always done.
But one look at Liz, and sometimes I think I would give it all up, answers, responsibility, safety, if I could just be with her, if I could just know for sure I wouldn't wind up hurting her in the end.
But that's not how the world works. So even though I hate it, and it hurts, it's better for both of us if I stay in the shadows.
I'll just keep watching, wishing, waiting. But from a distance.
But when she needs me, I'll be there regardless. Because that's what love is. Even limitations can't change that.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Leaving Normal.
Summary: Max's thoughts after the events of "Leaving Normal."
Limitations
I hate having to stay in the shadows.
It used to bother me a lot, that I was different, that I could only watch everyone, watch her from a distance. But I could see her, watch her, know her without her knowing I was watching. I was safe then because she didn't know the truth and I didn't have to worry about her being in danger, or being hurt because of me.
But it's just not enough anymore.
I can't watch her without wanting to be closer, without wanting to touch her, without her watching me in return.
Michael and Isabel don't understand. They can't understand.
It's clear cut to them: I just stay away from her.
Logically, I know they're right. I should stay away from Liz. Not just because it's dangerous for all of us, but because Liz deserves something more, something I can never give her.
I've tried to stay away. But something always happens to bring the two of us back together.
Like Liz's grandmother. When Liz asked me if there was anything I could do, and I had to tell her there wasn't, the look on her face was enough to make my heart stop. She seemed to understand, but all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and explain it to her.
I had to try. I tried to form the connection, to bring back the woman who meant so much to her, to give her her heart's desire. But I couldn't do it. I wanted to heal her more than anything. For Liz. But I couldn't because of the limitations of my own powers.
I drove Liz home after her grandmother died. I didn't care what Michael or Isabel wanted right then. She needed me.
And when she stood before me, lost and hurt, and alone, all I could do was offer her comfort. That's what she needed from me. I needed that from her. We needed each other.
So I offered and she accepted. I held her in my arms while she cried. She fit in my arms so perfectly. Her hair smelled sweet, like jasmine, and it was soft and silky beneath my touch.
We stood that way for a long time, just holding one another. I didn't want to let her go. I wanted to spend the night just holding her in my arms while she slept. I wanted to be the one there for her if she woke up and needed someone. But I didn't, and I wasn't.
Because no matter how much I want to be part of her life, the way she is mine, there have to be limitations. For both our sakes.
I know that Liz cares for me, that what we share runs deeper than the love between most people. But I can't, I won't take the chance on hurting her. If we ever got caught, or if we found the answers we've been searching for and we leave to go home, I couldn't leave her. I wouldn't leave her.
But it wouldn't be right to ask her to come with me, no matter how badly I want answers to my own past. I couldn't ask her to leave her family, her home, to give up everything she's ever known for me. No more than she would ever ask me to stay.
Because everyone has their limitations. Even love. People say that love conquers all, that there are no limits, but there are.
It's out of love that we set limits. To avoid hurting those we care about. Because love shouldn't hurt. That's why we need limitations. To tell us how far is too far, to tell us when to step back to avoid hurting or being hurt.
I couldn't let Michael and Izzy go on their own, anyway, could I? My first responsibility has to be to them, right? I have to make sure they're safe, and we have to stick together, because that's what we've always done.
But one look at Liz, and sometimes I think I would give it all up, answers, responsibility, safety, if I could just be with her, if I could just know for sure I wouldn't wind up hurting her in the end.
But that's not how the world works. So even though I hate it, and it hurts, it's better for both of us if I stay in the shadows.
I'll just keep watching, wishing, waiting. But from a distance.
But when she needs me, I'll be there regardless. Because that's what love is. Even limitations can't change that.
